A Girl Named Kim (45 King Remix)

Now you guys, you know the feeling when your heart sees
The woman in all your fantasies
When nothing else matters 'cause you're no longer haunted
By someone you've ever seen, but always wanted
Never seen her before but you know she's Ms. Right
Built just the way you want, just the right type
Well it happened to me and I thought I was in love
So that's where I'll start my story of
My encounter with a girl named Kim

Well it was one of those days when nothing's right with thе world
I was half-broke, sober, and fed up with my girl
Lookin' for somеthin' to do, wonderin' how long
It would take for the next thing to go wrong
I decided to hang, go out and ease my mind
I told myself "You never know what you might find"
I took a hot bubble bath instead of a shower
Then proceeded to get dressed, it took me a hour
I decided on leather, fresh, red and white
My boogie boots, and I was sure to score that night
The final touch, some cologne, I think Aramis
Then took one last look at the mirror and said
"You look marvelous, darling, you really do, no lie"

I jetted out the door, then I hailed a taxi
Said "54 and hurry," and jumped in the backseat
We arrived, he said "$8.50, not including a tip"
I said, "Don't smoke, give me my change 'fore I bust your lip"
The club was really jumpin' and word is bond
I saw women walkin' 'round with jeans painted on
Splits in the skirts up to here, leather and lace
Me and my dick both agree, we gonna like this place
Sat at the bar, the guy said "What are you drinking?"
I said orange juice and Rémy, and slid him a Lincoln
Took a sip, grabbed my money, he looked at me strange
I said, "Psych, I bet you thought you was keeping my change"

I made my way through the crowd, it was plain to see
Same everywhere I go, all eyes on me
Sat down at a table, and one of the staff
Said, "Ain't you Caz?" I said "Yeah, but no autograph"
Just sat by myself and sipped my drink
I took a glance across the room and received a wink
I did the only thing a red-blooded man would do
Looked down to see what the eye was attached to
Sure 'nough it was a girl, not just any female
Her hair and eyes sparkled like ginger ale
I looked lower to her lips, then her chin and her neck
Then I wondered 'bout the rest and said "Let me check"

I sent the waiter to her table to ask her name
He returned and said "Kim," and I almost came
I checked myself to make sure I looked alright
And told my dick "Don't worry, we fuckin' tonight"
So with a nice, friendly smile, a dash of charm
I stepped up to the lady and tapped her arm
But when she turned around, my smile turned to gloom
She didn't look nothing like she did across the room
Had big broad shoulders, her titties were big
But they were silicone-filled and her hair was a wig
She wore more makeup than Boy George and Phyllis Diller
Ugly enough to be a monster in "Thriller"
Had hair on her chest longer than my braids
And even though I got a band, I don't need AIDS
So I headed for the door, she said "Please stay"
I said "Sorry brother but I don't go that way"

I ran out in a hurry and gathered my wits
And said "That's a damn shame, he had nice tits"
And that's the last that I ever saw of Kim
You know why? Cause she's a he, and her is a him
The moral is don't believe in love at first sight
'Cause you might just sight a transvestite
And that ain't right