A ballad

I don't know why I'm up here
I mean on stage
So many years, a whole life
On my dead case
In and out of spotlights
Washing over me

Plugging in instruments
No monitors
A couple is kissing by the exit door
A bigger part of me wants to come down
But if I do
I can't come, come back up

I hold my mic stand
Push things around
Roll in the cables
Send in the sounds
I couldn't tell you why I keep singing, only how

You said your tinnitus
Is a note through your head
Singing a jetstream from alive to dead
Seeing to seer
I summon the dead back
To my, my body

I open my mouth
Sing to the light
Pick the darkest vowel
A for alright
It's so dumb and so me to think this means anything
But it must be better
To die in sound than to die dead
Dead, right?
Can you hear my voice?

I don't know why I'm up here
I mean on stage
It's the only page