6.24.06

I pressed my lips against the sunrise to witness the diamond sky
While she stood by my side with tears in her eyes
I turned to her and asked if she wanted to ride or drive
But all she could reply was, “I want to die”
She’s three hits in and a funeral away
All I want to do is leave but she’s begging me to stay
But the slits on her wrists are driving me insane
I don’t love you but I care too much to dissipate

Julianna was a fiend born in broken dreams
Just a hospital stay away from the obituary page
Her walls were plastered with pictures of things that she would never see
And all the people that she had wished that she could be
Have you ever had a day where you just didn’t want to be you?
Well she felt that way about herself everyday
I tried my hardest to compensate for her loneliness
But kindness in this situation only leads to madness

I met her in 05 on the 19th of October
She wasn’t trying very hard to act like she was sober
I saw her clear across the room; she looked like an angel I swear
Hours later she took me to her room and let me tug on her hair
And something sort of sparked out of that nothingness
Before I knew it, my heart was beating out my chest
But soon I would realize that she was a fucking mess
I swear that she was a goddamn train wreck

She had daddy issues that gave skyscrapers competition
She had a fascination for all things ammunition
She was Cinderella with a Rambo-style knife collection
She spent her final days trying to prey on my attention
But love is the one thing that I’ve always lacked
And I never thought when she left that I’d want her back
But then again I never thought she’d exit through a ceiling fan
And I haven’t slept for years ‘cause now all I think about is that

I believe your death freed you from all the pain and the strife
And all of the anguish that was in your life
But I swear I tried my hardest to love you that whole time
But it just couldn’t be done
And now I spend my time just getting high
Trying to forget that you were ever a part of my life
I think I believe in a hell, I visit it every night
Just like how you used to paint your sins on your skin with a knife
And I was the patsy for your existence
The Joker in your deck, the sweat to your fever
And it’s not that I feel like something is missing
I’d just like anything that’ll turn my nothing into something
But you are the cause for my indifference
The pains in my chest, the latter of my insignificance
My careless repertoire of laughs at my existence
The crude and unusual way I go about living
But just as you know there are worse things than death
Like living your life with your back to the wind
You have to embrace it and let it carry you away
You have to let it fill you from within
Let it fill your chest with life anew
It will show you which road to choose
And now that I know this is the answer
Julianna, for my conscience your death has lost its luster