29/31

[Oates]
For the first time in my life, I see it clearly
I realize the power of being a woman
29 years old and time’s on my side
I'm in my prime, I've hit my stride
I got so much charisma, and so many options
It's nice to always have my pick

[Garfunkel]
There's nobody left!
I'm all alone!

[Oates]
I'm at the top of my game, possibilities are endless
And I just feel really pretty
I'm holding out for someone who meets my standards
Won't settle for anything less than perfect
I know what I want and I can have it
I'm surrounded by love and peace

[Garfunkel]
There's nobody left!
I'm all alone!
Why did I wait? What's wrong with me?
In two short years, I'm gonna be 33
Who the hell will want me then? My ovaries are shrinking
I'm disgusting and everyone feels bad for me
And I never get invited to dinner parties anymore

[Oates]
Things unfold when they're supposed to
'Cause everything happens for a reason
It’ll happen for me when I'm not even looking
He'll just appear and I'll just know
And he'll love me forever without any work
Who needs to try when things are meant to be

[Garfunkel (Oates)]
There's nobody left!
(I'm a catch just look at me)
I'm all alone!
(I'm smart and hot and have lots of interests)
You're such an idiot!
(The man of my dreams is definitely out there)
You think you're so special because people tell you that now
(He's my future, he's the one)
But that'll stop and be replaced with looks of pity!
(He was put on this Earth to make my life complete)
(The world is a buffet of love)

[Garfunkel]
Oh, what? You think biological reality doesn't apply to you
In your adorable cocoon of agelessness? Well, it does!
And while you're just waiting around and focusing on you
Guess what? You're gonna miss your window!

[Oates (Garfunkel)]
Everything happens for a reason
You know I truly believe that
(Yeah, you said that before)
Oh my God, it does, though
Everything happens for a reason
(What about the Haitian earthquake
Or cellulite on skinny women?)

Just say, "Hey universe, I'm ready"
It'll happen when you least expect it
(Well, I don't expect it at all now
So I guess it's right around the corner)
Maybe you're putting out the wrong vibe
Maybe you're closed off to love
Let me tell you a secret, it's called The Secret
(Here's another secret, you're an asshole)

[Oates]
Your negativity is a self-fulfilling prophecy
The reason things go well for me is 'cause of positivity

[Garfunkel]
Well, I'm positive fertility always begins to atrophy
When infantile fantasy eclipses true reality

[Oates]
It never once occurred to me that things won't work out perfectly
When God closes a door, you see, he opens a window

[Garfunkel]
You realize that’s a smaller opening, right?
You used to be able to just walk out a door
And now you have to climb out some slightly ajar window somewhere
Possibly falling like eight stories to your death
That is not an upgrade
And you know what else?

[Garfunkel (Oates)]
There's nobody left! (7 billion people on the planet)
I'm all alone! (My options will never ever run out)
I hate you! (I'm so happy, aren't you happy?)
You're so stupid! (I'm so happy)

[Oates]
You can't love someone else 'til you love yourself
You can't love someone else 'til you love yourself
You can't love someone else 'til you love yourself
You can't love someone else 'til you love yourself

'Cause life is good (Over)