2015-2020 (And I Return Hailen’s Call)

[Verse 1]
My mom was diagnosed with cancer
Found out on Christmas while she looses her damn hair
All I could do is just stand there
Mind was focusing on finding answers
At that hospital, I was in complete denial
Was angry at God for a really long while
Confused mom wanted it on the hush hush
I asked for less hours couldn't tell my boss what's up

[Interlude]
"Thought I was gonna play more video games."

[Verse 2]
It seemed like a full recovery
Small cell lung cancer won't split up this family
Had no idea the plans above of me
Was to take her home when I am 19
It went to her brain, she slipped into a coma
Knew she was really dying at this moment
Couldn't go around her, I heard she could hear it
I stopping visiting her, it broke my spirits

[Verse 3]
She died on June 21, 2016
After that day a huge hole started missing
I decided to stay in my dad's company
While my whole family broke in front of me
Condolences got old when you work at a grocery store
People came to the viewing that went close to me anymore
Ex told me if you needed anything to call me
Can't add her on Facebook, you want a fucking apology?
It was years ago I was only fifteen
Its too awkward to wipe this clean
Don't lie to me with my moms dead corpse
Just say you're sorry like everyone else said before
People get busy with that I have remorse
Step dad thinks picking up the phone is a chore
It makes me sad that we aren't close
Then again I've heard some rumors that are gross
Lost contact of stepdad it got ugly
Stepdad and uncle beef started bugging me
Anytime I visit either they'd bad mouthed
Stepdad lied that we both had the house
Meanwhile I just got fired from a grocery store
Well shit I never lost someone close to me before
It was Christmas time, I didn't express myself wisely
Held a grunge on God so long my shoulder was getting icy
I was just trying to escape in this pipe dream
Kid found out my moms death and wanted to fight me
Right now he wanted to diss me precisely
I lost my mom asshole you wanted me to act nicely
Felt guilty for hating God lost all faith in him
Didn't think it did anything when you prayed to him
Got cynical, trust in God was paper-thin
After step dad treated my half of the cottage like a play to win
Ripped me off but karma is watching
It's like his true colors came out after mom died
I'm not sorry this time, I'm not tongue tied
Before she died, you laughed about taking all her money
It was funny when I thought it was fake
I loved you before you were caught as a snake
I wish you well cause Gods up there waiting
You'll pay for your sins, but hope you do not go with Satan
Lost all hope with jobs and relationships
Sitting around the house, I started gaining weight then shit
Everyday has been different day same shit
Least I don't miss mom anymore the pain quit
I'm more than a career or a college student
I have positive traits these norms all are stupid
Overthinking my sexuality with all the free time
It's no ones business other than really mine
No relationship so I say I fit more as an asexual
But I like girls, so fitting in a box is stressful
Thought I was bi curious or was it middle school trauma
I don't wanna date anyone because its full of drama
College is suppose to be about self-discovery
But all it has done is made me unsure of me
But at 23, I can already see the maturity
I lessened the self-bashing thoughts that tortured me
I'm happy alone, that's all that really matters
I don't need a partner for any validation to be happier
Present day coronavirus got me feeling like an extravert
Just chilling in my house putting in extra work
I can't wait to see what the future holds
I'll continue this album every few years or so
Add another book to the chapter
For now, thanks for listening to the album as I rap, bro