17 micro-songs to boost your mood

(Intro)
This one goes out to everybody with an arch-nemesis! A-five, six, seven, well

[micro-song 1]
The best revenge is a life well-lived, in the other guy’s house, with the other guy’s wife

[micro-song 2]
My friends have dreams about pretty girls
But I have dreams about cupping handfuls of my own teeth

[micro-song 3]
Whenever I get a LinkedIn request
My brain goes beep beep, fax fax
I’m a little businessman

[micro-song 4]
If we share fifty percent of our DNA with bananas
How come human flesh doesn’t taste good in smoothies?
Bee-dee-bee-bee-boo-boo

[micro-song 5]
Chipotle aïoli is just spicy mayo for people who wear top hats

[micro-songs 6]
There are more chickens than there’s people in the world
We’ll soon become the nuggets
And they’ll become the nugget-makers

[micro-song 7]
If a girl asks you if she should get bangs
Do not answer it’s a trap

[micro-song 8]
I had a dream that I was on a date with one of the Charmin’ bears
And she refused to stop talkin’ about how clean her butthole was

[micro-song 9]
Your bones are wet
Just think about how wet your bones are
Wet wet wet, little bones

[micro-song 10]
So many baby carrots in the bag
Where are their carrot parents
Tasty orange orphans
Dip ‘em in ranch
DIP ‘EM IN RAAAA-

[micro-song 11]
Why’s it called the birds and the bees when the birds and the bees don’t fuck?

[micro-song 12]
Don’t ever tell me that a door is ajar
It’s a door, not a jar
Do I look stupid to you?

[micro-song 13]
When the guy in the movie
Says the name of the movie
It’s like, “Wow, that’s the name of the movie!”

[micro-song 14]
Why we do think Cookie Monster is a monster?
Aren’t we the monsters?
There’s a dude’s hand inside his skin

[micro-song 15]
Si me puebla itinerer
Bia combre Marco Polo piñata
Ejo Mexico porte
[unintelligible]

[micro-song 16]
Every white kid has done karate
Just ask a white kid, he’s probably done karate
But if you were to fight a white kid who’s done karate
You’d probably beat the white kid who’s done karate, yeah
Hi-ya!

[micro-song 17]
Scooby Dooby Doo, Scooby Dooby Doo, Scooby Dooby DON‘T… do drugs