100 Bars

[Intro: Canibus]
Yeah! That's the beat right there
I'm about to black out
With a hundred bars on some professional shit
So don't try this at home, yo
Yo! Yo! Yo!

[Verse]
My style of rhymin' is ancient like Aztecs and Mayans
Because I recognize it's all about timin'
Me and my freestyle alliance practicin' African voodoo science
In front of twenty-foot bonfires, lookin' skyward
Calculatin' May 5, 2000, the nine planets'll be in alignment
The arrival of the prophet in the cockpit
Of a starship the size of the Hale-Bopp comet
With mercury ion rockets
And a big-ass "Canibus Comin' Soon" poster on the side of it
I'm known geographically and intergalactically
That's why I got extraterrestrials that wanna battle me
They even tried kidnappin' me, and they would've snatched me
If their craft didn't get trapped in the Earth's gravity
Engines stalled and failed, crashed into a farmer's field
And that's really what caused Roswell
Undercover operatives workin' for COM 12
Disguised as a nigga signed with a record deal
Lyrically, I'm off-scale
So all hail, or get tossed towards Hell — whatever y'all feel!
Bruisin' niggas, confusin' niggas like Chip Fu from the Fu-Schnickens
Hit you with nuclear cruiser missiles
Hear the wild wolf growl!
Styles stockpiled for miles from the ground to the clouds
Wack niggas wanna be down, but it's not allowed
Interrupt the cipher unannounced
And you'll get punched in the mouth with the southpaw southern fist
I'll bust your shit! Swell your lip bigger than Bubba Shrimp
For actin' tough and shit, what a wimp
You giant Goliath niggas get shot with a rubber sling
I'm an experiment gone bad
My brainwaves on an encephalograph show that I'm stark ravin' mad
Your whole scientific staff'll get killed in a nuclear blast
When I throw the Florence flask in my hand
Flammable liquids in the lab explode
And you get stabbed with all the flyin' glass
Trained to blow up commercial aircraft
Trained in chemical weapons class
Just to see how long a nigga's breath'll last
I put him in a leather mask, spray his ass with a can of pepper gas
Then watch him grab his neck and gag
Watch the nigga choke to death as I laugh
"You wanna battle?" is the type of question you should never ask
Nigga, pick a tougher task, see who the fuck'll last
Whoever lose'll get a solderin' iron up the ass
You need to recognize — my hand is quicker than the eye
Quicker than the five-speed Jamiroquai drives
A lifespan longer than nine lives, infinite rhymes that can't die
A nigga with a divine mind
I dedicate this to the wise, dedicate it to dimes
Dividin' myself into a hundred ten times
You can't deny the offerings I offer
Flows that glow with auroras that sparkle like water
Fly like a saucer with the torque of a Porsche
Murder a million MC's, then autograph all of their coffins
Been gettin' it on since I been born, and I'mma live long
And I'mma be gettin' it on 'til I'm gone
Look at all the stages I been on, all the songs that I spit on
I took an oath to rip everythin' I get on
A nigga like me should have Carpal Tunnel syndrome
In the wrist bones from grippin' microphones this long
I'm just a small fish in a big pond
That gets pissed off whenever I get picked on
Nigga, try to flip and get flipped on!
My army march a million strong
Like the Nation of Islam with suede Timbs on
Extremely hostile
Fully armed troops dressed in frog suits and night vision goggles
A lyrical lynch mob shittin' on niggas
Drawn to a hideous form with horns and a mink on
Duckin' down low like we in 'Nam fightin' the Viet Cong
Screamin' "Incoming!" when I see a bomb
Speak to your leader, surrender your arms
You need about a million more soldiers to even the odds
Plus 800,000 to even consider a war
And 200,000 more to even look hard
You better drop your flag and withdraw
My cavalry charge accompanied by a blizzard of wicked metaphors
That smash y'all, attach y'all to the back of my horse
And drag y'all across the motherfuckin' asphalt
Nine out of ten niggas is frauds — you know who you are
Always talkin' about your bitches and your cars
Your jewelry and your girls, it's like we from two different worlds
You motherfuckers really get on my nerves
'Cause I'm beyond 'em, on some futuristic cyborg shit
I close my eyes when I freestyle
So I could read what prints across them
Then raise my arms like a sorcerer and cast a fireball into the audience
To barbecue your brain organs
You feel like you've been thrown in a microwave oven
I flame broil suckers, then hit 'em with some more shit, the raw shit
Call my reinforcements, the Four Horsemen
Take a big piece of chalk and draw a line across the stage pulpit
I dare a motherfucker to cross it!
I'll even call my man Black Rob at two in the morning
Tell him it's important
Tell him to call Sting three-way and sing a chorus
Break your camcorders, so you motherfuckers can't record it
Call the news — I'll kill your reporters!
Start a lawsuit — I'll kill your lawyers!
Fuck the soft shit! And fuck what y'all think!
My album's gold 'cause my album was the bomb shit
Y'all niggas got your ass beat 'cause you asked for it
Got your picture taken and put in a tabloid
'Cause you a man, and you like to touch little boys
You fuck 'em in the ass, then you give 'em cash for it
That's some sick shit, homeboy
A hundred years ago, they'd have took you to see Sigmund Freud
You fraudulent, feminine, fragile as a feather is
With an effortless blow, I'll crack your whole skeleton
You think you better than Canibus? Where's the evidence?
You got below average intelligence and poor penmanship
You need to shut the fuck up 'cause your breath stink
Take fifty cents and purchase a pack of peppermints
Battlin' me, you never win
You thought you was the only nigga that could sneak a weapon in?
Nigga, guess again
'Cause after I'm finished wreckin' this shit
I'mma drink a whole bottle of Henny and go fuck a lesbian