1-900-LL Cool J

{*phone rings twice*}
Yo.. "Hello 1-900-LL Cool J?"
Yeah whassup? "Can you please bust a funky rhyme for me?"
Yeah I can do that, check this one out honey

I motivate, accelerate
Devastate, and dominate
I don't smoke crack so I won't lose weight
Give me the pussy and the money and the mic and I'm straight
Go to a restaurant, give me steak
Then cook my chicken with Shake'n'Bake
I leave all the preachin to Reverand Flake
How much money can one black man make? Huh
I'm what's known as a true dynamiter
I write rhymes fast without a typewriter
Go with the flow, but no, I'm not a biter
Can't compare a cock-a-roach and a spider
Hell, you might as well get a glass of punch
Cause you're bitin my lyrics like a Nestle Crunch, huh
And bitin my rhymes ain't slick
I got your gold teeth marks all over my dick
Complications and aggravation
An unnecessary-sation
I'm like Sunkist, good vibrations
Your al-blum, sounds like a compilation
Cool out, grab a seat and listen..
Cause I'mma start dismissin
Sucker MC's who's out there frontin
Talkin all that yang, yo you smokin somethin
Shoulda treated me royal, yo he wasn't loyal
Now it's all about chaos and turmoil
Gimme that microphone
I'mma show you the real meaning of the danger zone

{*phone rings*}
Yo.. "Hello is this 1-900-LL Cool J?"
Yeah whassup? "Can you tell me what you do when you're coolin out?"
Yo check this out

Now when I'm coolin out, no time for a granny
Just a fly girl in t-shirt and panties
"Can LL screw?" Man, can he!
I tell you what, give up the fanny
Cause on a bedroom tune, J's swift
Not too big, but nothin to play with
In addition, you on a mission
You need to audition for another position
Doin damage is a crew tradition
Name your next al-blum intermission
You're full of preservatives -- plus
You're too conservative
I'm full of flair, savoir faire, debonair
There's no competition for this here
So don't waste your time and breath
I'm givin you all a big F
MC's I envelop
As the song goes on, the rhyme develops
I'm asiatic, acrobatic, charismatic
You don't want no static
Anyway, I ain't havin it
When I see the microphone -- I'm grabbin it
Plug it in and take charge
LL XL, Xtra-Large
KnowhatI'msayin? Peace

{*phone rings three times*}
Hello?
Hello whassup girl?
How you doin girl? I been tryin to call you all day
Word up I was talkin to LL he was kickin some mo' HYPED up rhymes to me
Word, I spoke to him today too - them rhymes WAS pumpin
Well not to cut you short but I gotta go cause my man is here
Alright
See-ya