The Abyss

[Verse]
Everything I did I always gave it my best
I don't know if anyone relates but the feeling that I get is like a truck sitting on my chest
Wondering how much do I got left
My last call, my last step
I'm not gonna wait just to see what's next
I go hard 'cause today could be my last breath
We do life and we can't relive it
We only get one chance, if you blink, then you might just miss it
Many people come and go, they all just visit
Don't ever expect nothin' different
Just listen as I paint this image that you all revisit
Yeah my glass half empty but I still might sip it
I was traumatized
What would you have said when you was looking in my momma's eyes? Nothin'
Yeah, I might have said I was okay but I probably lied
So this pain is how I harmonize
Making impact, that's what I personify
Yes, I'm making music that you cannot just define by the numbers on my Spotify
All of this pain I just wanna be happy
Momma almost died the same day that she had me
Driving to the hospital, she swerved and crashed badly
Doctor said I was a miracle while looking at my daddy
I was zero when I first dodged death
I was six when the devil told me to watch my step
Couldn't sleep, I was scared to go inside my bed
Fighting demons, I was hearing things inside my head
So back to the doctor, he didn't have a diagnosis
So my whole damn life I felt lost while fighting psychosis
Talking to myself hoping nobody would notice
Mom said "pray" every time I heard the voices
Life or death, every day I swear I made choices
Knife in my hand trying not to lose focus
Playing basketball religiously to drown out the noises, man
Let me explain that it's like laying on train tracks
Grabbing guns contemplating blowing your brain back
Eyes closed shut watching everything fade black
People stepping over you, you feel like a placemat, fuck
And let me make it clear, God is the only one that I've ever feared
But you start to get paranoid and look over your shoulder when these people have been hurting you for so many years
So I had to escape
If you listening I know that you relate
Is that feeling that you get like your life and existence was all just one big mistake
I felt trapped and I couldn't find space
I went and got lost in the things I create
Ever since I was a kid, people hated and they judged everything that I did
So I went into my mind and created the abyss
Man, I swear I did, how the hell y'all think I make all these hits?
It's 'cause I've been broken, beaten, dragged, laughed at, scorned, burned, and kicked
So I get to reach in this endless pit of hurt and pain from all that shit
And that's the only reason that your people come here or for God's sake even know that Dax exists
This is how it feels to drown, this is how it looks when you're lost and you can't be found
The abyss was a place I'd visit, but I went so much that I'm gone and I'm stuck here now
This is not music, this is not dope, this is me begging y'all to throw me a rope (Help me!)
So I can try to climb up the place where I came in my life when I spiral then first lost hope
Let me explain, I've been Dax so long I got PTSD when somebody says my real name
But I guess that's the price you pay
I didn't want it to be like this, but I guess it is what it is
Inside the abyss