Caught Me One Handed

'Shaggy, are you in there?'
'I'm, uh, uh busy right now, I've got''
'Oh my God!'
'Ughhhhh'

Oh No! Mommy came in and she caught me one-handed
Dreamin' about the girl next door
Picture this I was workin' that gherkin
Shoulda' locked that bedroom door
How could I get caught while was I pickin'up a pound of meat?
All this time she was standin' there
I'm polishing my good friend Pete

When you are young man you need a little thrilla
Keep a dirty magazine underneath your pilla
You never admit when you tenderize your steak
Or when you been wrestling with a one-eyed snake

A box a Kleenex on the counter
I was in heat
A tube of lotion on the sofa
To beat my meat
Hear my breathing getting louder
I was in heat
All the sudden it was over

Mommy came in and she caught me one handed
Lookin' for the unicorn
'Mom, geez!'
Picture this I had roped that pony
Had him in a tug of war
How could I be casual while the General salutes my feet?
And the bishop he was standin' there shiverin' for lack of heat
'Come on, lil' fella'
Can you tell that I am embarrassed for that shame that I caused?
So that purple headed warrior will have to be flogged

When you start to stimulatin' your little fella'
You're strokin' that bat like a young Lou Piniella
You'll never get a real woman, ain't no way
But you can play choke it with the chicken all day

Mommy came in and she caught me one-handed
Dreamin' about the girl next door
Picture this I was working that gherkin
Shoulda' locked that bedroom door
How could I get caught while was I pickin' up a pound of meat?
All this time she was standin' there
I'm polishing my good friend Pete