Afraid, am I afraid?

Afraid, am I afraid?
Madame Flora afraid!
Can it be that I'm afraid?
In my young days I have seen many terrible things!
Women screaming as they were murdered
And men's hands dripping with blood
And men haunted by knives
And little grotesque children drained
White by the voraciousness of filth
And loathsome old men insane with vice
And young men with cankers crawling
On their flesh like hungry lizards
This I've seen, and more, and never been afraid
O God, forgive my sins, I'm sick and old
Forgive my sins and give me peace!
What ill wind shakes my hand?
What unseen ghost stands by my side?
No, no, it cannot be the dead!
The dead, the dead
The dead never come back
They sink down in the dust
With no eyes to dream and no silence to keep
A secrets to hide'
Gone, empty, nothing, nothing
"O black swan, where
Oh, where is my lover gone?"
Who is there?
"O black swan, O black swan. "
What? Nothing, but then if there is nothing
To be afraid of why am I afraid of this nothingness?
I must forget about it, laugh at it
Yes, laugh at it!
O God, forgive my sins, I'm sick and old