Secret Wars Pt. 1 (Radio)

[Intro: Samples]
“This uplifting cinematic experience…”
“Uh, I’ve got something important to tell you, man”
“The big story is…”
“Dig this and dig it deep”

[Verse: The Last Emperor]
What if I had the
Power to gather all of my favorite emcees
With the illest comic book characters
And they became archenemies?
Inconceivable? Unbelievable? Yet as wild as it seems
The Emperor and Stan Lee would coach the two opposing teams
Keep it clean, no bats, no gats, guns, or interference
Comic book characters would go head up with raw lyrics
Now I take whoever might be on break from doing tours
And have ‘em signed up for The Last Emperor’s Secret Wars
Sure, for that kind of capacity, you need a crazy large arena
That might stretch from west Philadelphia to east Medina
If I’m able, I’d put it on pay-per-view through my label
And give free tickets to my neighborhood bums with no cable
Yeah, that sounds phat. Now that we’ve squared away the propositions
Let’s begin with the ultimate tough-man competition
(“Let the games begin!”)
(“Set it off!”) Set it off, it’s the fight of the century
KRS and Professor X would battle each other mentally
With rhymes. These two team captains waste no time
Charles Xavier tried to invade Kris Parker’s mind
He shot a cerebral probe at Kris’s mind but he missed it
Professor X taken out by the Blastmaster’s metaphysics
Round two, new fight. Word to life, you gotta see this
Locked in mortal combat is Dr. Strange and The Genius
Yeah, son, he’s no match, let that graphic wizard have it
“My Liquid Sword slashes straight through Dr. Strange’s magic”
Another hero down, and now the score is two to zero
By words from The Genius, and he’s still my rhyming hero
Now the next fight was conducted in a rough-like manner
Specifically between Reggie Noble and Dr. David Banner
Or should I say the Incredible Hulk when he’s amped off the gamma?
But Reggie Noble soon became the Incredible Redman and slammed him
You know how Redman gets when his adrenaline starts pumping
Started schitzing in the ring, so then The Thing tried to jump in
Ben Grimm leaps into the ring, and after Redman he lunges
“But Reggie Noble dropped him with two Brick City punches!”
Rhymes by the bunches, bums get dirtier than Middle Eastern dungeons
Ready to set this like Detective Columbo and his hunches
While the ref’s clean out the ring ‘cause the last fight was so intense
Let’s do a live interview with the brother named Common Sense
“Yeah, yeah, it’s Common Sense, and Iceman tried to freeze me
So I took him to Chicago and told him to take it easy
He couldn’t see me with my applejack hat and high-tops
Colossus and Cyclops, I got No I.D. and Y-Not”
Good looking, Common Sense. Yo, that last album was tight
Let me get back to the ring and evaluate the next fight
Now the next fight had to be the craziest of all times
We got Dr. Octopus “versus the mighty Busta Rhymes!”
Doc Oct versus Busta? Man, that stuff is dead
He’ll get his eight arms ripped off going up against the dreads
“Ha, ha! Now Dr. Octopus, who you think you grabbing?
The god can never lose, so you know it will never happen
Lyrically making me sleepy, you’ll need a nap when
I slap you with my dreads—lights out, you’ll kiss the canvas”
Before my eyes, I see the demise of another superhero
Next up is Ras Kass versus Magneto
Now anything goes when Magneto battles foes
But Ras Kass had him shivering, delivering ultra-magnetic blows
Magneto was now deceased, and a wise man said it best
“The sun rises in the east, but they can still set it the west”
Now with all these heroes down, Stan Lee refuses to surrender
He got Storm from the X-Men as if I couldn’t match the gender
Stan Lee shouts “Excelsior!” Yo, Stan, you best to chill
“There’s no match for Storm.” I guess he’s never heard of Lauryn Hill
Now we all know Storm controls the temperature and weather
Started running off at the lip, and L-Boog was like, “Whatever”
See, she just got home from tour and she’s a bit too tired to spar
So she clocked Storm over the head with my man Wyclef’s guitar
All silence is ceased. Out of nowhere comes the Beast
Versus Jeru the Damaja, the Black Prophet from the east
Releasing rhymes that will pound you into the ground, there’ll be no round two
Another victory for hip-hop by the Dirty Rotten Scoundrel
Now the underground sewer system that lies deep below the ring
Is where the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Das EFX do their thing
Leonardo and Donatello, they well know we can do this
“So kiggedty crazy Drayze hit them both with raw sewage”
Now Raphael and Michelangelo, those two others who are brothers
Books smacked ‘em with the Das EFX logo, the manhole cover
Whether you’re plant or animal, vegetable or miggety-mineral
Before you step to Das EFX, you best be hard like a criminal
Taking you back to ringside, just when you thought it was over
The last battle was brought forth by G.I. Joe and Cobra
Mercenaries and soldiers, G.I. Joe was rolling thick
But I’ll get the military of hip-hop, a.k.a. the Boot Camp Clik
World War III for ’98. In the wake of all these troops
I could see General Buckshot going toe-to-toe with Duke
Salute the captain for rapping ‘cause now we know who’s hard
Catching wreck like Steele and Tek up against the Crimson Guard
Charging after you, smashing you, metaphorically bashing through
The entire Joe team is O.G.C. and Ruck the Irrational
Then, all of a sudden, I hear this real loud crack!
“The Military Punisher Big Rock just broke Roadblock’s back!”
Adding insult to injury to Stan Lee and his team
We’ve got Weapon X from Canada, a.k.a. Wolverine
You know the routine: his claws can rip rappers for days
“But here comes the Method Man, a.k.a. Johnny Blaze!
Wolverine, you can’t hang when Tical does his thang
Paralyze you with the venom from the Method Man’s fang!”
This is the final battle as the stratosphere gets darker
We got Nasir Jones versus Peter Parker
Nasty Nas at “Halftime,” head-ringer versus the web-slinger
Illmatic versus radioactive in the Rotten Apple where the
Dead linger. He cursed the day that spider ever bit him
And gave him a copy of his second LP, It Was Written
For all up-and-coming emcees, I’ve got a question:
If I made a “Secret Wars Part 2,” would your name even be mentioned?
Would you make the final cut? I make the nicest give their titles up
Writing rhymes/fighting crimes like the Blue Falcon and Dynomutt
Stick around for the next battle-slash-adventure
And if you see Stan Lee, tell him the Last Emperor sent ya