Buried in Time / Enchanted Tiki Dreams

[opening shot of the Krusty Krab]
SpongeBob: [singing] ♪Krabby Patties, Krabby Patties, love cookin' me some Krabby Patties! Feedin' all the children and the mommies and the daddies! Love servin' up the most delicious dish, but before I can, gotta add a little of this!♪ [takes tartar sauce bottle but it's empty] Hmm, time to refill the tartar sauce. [goes to a large tartar sauce bucket but it's empty] Empty! I thought I'd never see the day. "Use on or before the date printed below." [gasps] This can has been here for 50 years. That's longer than me! Oh, important Krusty Krab relic, what shall we do with ye?
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, throw that trash out and get back to work!
SpongeBob: Trash? Oh, but, Mr. Krabs, this should be in a museum for future generations to enjoy.
Mr. Krabs: [gets an idea] Hmm. Future generations, huh?
[Bubble transition]
Mr. Krabs: Welcome to the Krusty Krab Time Capsule Spectacular! That's right! In 50 years, your donated treasures will be honored for future generations to enjoy! [to SpongeBob and Squidward] All right, you guys got donations covered, right?
SpongeBob: Sir, yes, sir!
Squidward: Whatever.
Mr. Krabs: I'm gonna go ahead and take care of souvenirs!
[Nat brings a toaster]
SpongeBob: The peoples of the future must see this, so they will know how we toasted bread in the before time. So that they can understand the...
Squidward: Garbage. That'll be a $5 contribution fee. [SpongeBob puts the toaster in the time capsule]
Mr. Krabs: And there's your commemorative time capsule key chain. That'll be $49.57.
Billy: But, this thing's made out of rusty old paper clips and cardboard!
Mr. Krabs: All right. You drive a hard bargain. I'll throw in a coupon for one free ice cube in a purchase of any large cola at the Krusty Krab. What do ya say?
Billy: [takes coupon] Deal!
[Mr. Krabs puts the money away in his shell and sighs]
[Sadie brings a lamp]
SpongeBob: What a beautiful lamp, ma'am, so ornate, essential for night time reading.
Sadie: Why, thank you, young man!
Squidward: No, thank you for completely failing our future generations with your donation. I mean, seriously, ma'am, did you just grab the first thing you saw this morning?
Sadie: Well, actually, I...
Squidward: [imitates Sadie] "Hmm. Oh, whatever shall I donate to the time capsule? Golly, this is hard! How about [gasps] this lamp?! It's [sarcastically] perfect!"
Sadie: Wow, you're good. How did you know all that? Are you like a psychic? Oh, oh, oh! Tell me what I'm thinking!
Squidward: Next. [throws the lamp]
SpongeBob: [catches the lamp in his face] Hey, nice pass, Squidward!
[Bubble transition; a strange man brings a plate]
Squidward: Uh-huh. Tell me, what do you know about this plate?
Man: Uh, it works good when I eat stuff.
Squidward: Right. This plate is actually not meant to be eaten on. Now with your permission, I'd like to perform a few tests to verify its authenticity.
Man: Uh, okay.
Squidward: [starts teething on plate. Sucks it up his nose and takes it out] Uh-huh. [rubs it on his bottom] Interesting. [skids around on plate] This is a promising sign. Yep. [hits plate on man's head several times] You hear that plate-hitting-skull sound? It's definitely authentic. And I would price it conservatively in today's market at $250.
Man: Really?
Squidward: No. [throws plate away and SpongeBob catches it; he breaths heavily]
[Bubble transition]
SpongeBob: [to the plate]nYou are the crown jewel of the time capsule!
Squidward: Next. [throws sock]
SpongeBob: [gasps. He catches the sock and drops the plate, breaking it] A four-striped sock! Incredible!
Timecard: 2 hours later...
SpongeBob: Okay, Squidward. I think that's everyone.
Patrick: [runs to the time capsule with a rock] SpongeBob! SpongeBob, did I make it? I brought my favorite rock to donate to the time thinger.
SpongeBob: Ooh, are you sure you can part with it, Patrick?
Patrick: Sometimes you've got to make sacrifices.
SpongeBob: After you then!
Patrick: Thank you, my good man.
Squidward: Sorry, Patrick, but there's no way I'm letting you put your dumb rock in the time capsule. I've allowed some seriously ridiculous items today, but this is where I draw the line. Do you unders...? [Patrick is gone]
Patrick: Okay, Rocky, you're going bye-bye now.
Squidward: Oh, no, you don't! [Squidward and Patrick fight over the rock and the rock falls on a wooden floorboard and it catapults SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward into the time capsule, which closes]
SpongeBob: You know, that didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would.
Patrick: What didn't? Hey, look, a yo-yo! [plays with yo-yo]
SpongeBob: Patrick, you're very good at that!
[Bubble transition]
Mr. Krabs: And thanks so much for all your contributions! So are ya ready to put this thing in the ground?! [crowd cheers]
Plankton: Curse that Krabs and his cheering crowds! Big whoop-- a stupid time capsule. [blows raspberry]
Mr. Krabs: But, before we do, I'd like to make a contribution of my own. A copy of the Krabby Patty formula!
Plankton: [eye becomes bottle-shaped and antennae snap] There it is! The one element that can turn this lonesome bucket of steel into a bustling world famous eatery! [laughs evilly]
Mr. Krabs: [puts the formula in the time capsule] Send her down! [the time capsule gets buried]
SpongeBob: [throws a card in a net] He shoots, he scores!
Squidward: [shoves SpongeBob off] Get off me!! [tries to get out]
SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward, what are you doing?
Patrick: Yeah, it looks fun!
Squidward: WE JUST GOT BURIED ALIVE, YOU IDIOTS!!
SpongeBob: I know, but what are you doing?
[Bubble Transition]
[everyone cheering]
Mr. Krabs: Who's ready to eat some Krabby Patties, 'cause all that waiting in line's got you super hungry? [crowd cheers. Everyone enters the Krusty Krab as Plankton laughs evilly]
scene cuts to time capsule]
SpongeBob: Hmm. What should we do for the next 50 years?
Patrick: I'm just gonna hang here for a while, maybe get a kelp soda later.
SpongeBob: Patrick, you can't go anywhere. We're trapped down here till they open that capsule in 50 years.
Patrick: [shocked] 50 years? What are we gonna do till then?
SpongeBob: I don't know. We've got 50 years' worth of stuff to play with here! [finds a game. He gasps] It's our favorite game!
Both: Pretzel Pals!
Patrick: Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! [lays the game out on Squidward]
SpongeBob: Yes, yes, now where did we leave off?
Patrick: I believe my left hand was on red.
SpongeBob: My right foot was on blue.
Patrick: Forehead on yellow.
SpongeBob: Left foot on green. [kicks Squidward in the face. He throws the game off him and on SpongeBob and Patrick
Squidward: That's it, this game is over! [SpongeBob and Patrick giggle]
Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob, what do you think Bikini Bottom will be like in the future?
SpongeBob: Hmmm. [SpongeBob imagines his future in a chrome area. He gets out of the time capsule]
Future Fish: Welcome to the future, history person. During your absence, our society has achieved numerous advances we're sure you'll find to be quite impressive. [he and SpongeBob get teleported to a water fountain] Well?
SpongeBob: [gasps] Wow, a water fountain for short people! What will the future think of next? [SpongeBob's future ends]
Patrick: Not bad, SpongeBob. Not bad. I dream of a town with a perfect blend of commerce and irrigation. [imagines his future in a real city] Not to mention the breathtaking views. [Patrick's future ends]
SpongeBob: Sounds dreamy, Pat. What do you think the future will be like, Squidward?
[Squidward imagines his future]
Future Squid: [holding up Squidward's painting of him] His art enbodies the soul that our society has lost. And it is here, [the Krusty Krab is shown] the location of the suffering that inspired that art that we place the Squidward Tentacle Memorial Museum! [Squidward's house is dropped on top of the Krusty Krab replacing it with the museum; the other squids cheer]
[scene transitions to the present with Squidward smiling]
SpongeBob: Squidward? Squidward? Squidward? Squidward?
Plankton: [uses his mining drill and burrows towards the time capsule] Jackpot! And now to extract the secret recipe. [the mining drill extends its arms, holding and wedge and hammer] Careful. Careful. [the hammer hits the wedge and Squidward gets knocked out]
SpongeBob & Patrick: Sixteen Bikini Bottom, nineteen Bikini Bottom, twenty! Ready or not, here we... [they both spot Squidward]
Patrick: Nice try, Squidward, but we both already got that hiding spot figured out. [finds a can of shaving gel] Whipped cream! [eats cream and spits it out] Oh, this whipped cream tastes awful! [reads off can] "Sha-veeng g-el."[a drill drills through and creates a hole in the can causing the shaving gel to land on Patrick's face] I've always wanted a beard!
SpongeBob: Me too! [both laugh as SpongeBob sprays shaving gel on his face] Do you want one too, Squidbeard? [sprays a beard on Squidward's face]
Squidward: [wakes up and moans] Wha...? Oh! Has it been 50 years already? [looks in the mirror and notices the beard] Yes! I knew I'd still be hot!
Plankton: [sneaks inside] Secret recipe, where are you? Aha! [jumps through the hole]
Squidward: Hello, future! [escapes through the hole Plankton made and digs up to the surface. He laughs] Yes! Huh? What the...?! Where's my museum? The future is the same as my old pathetic life! Forget this! I'm waiting another 50 years! [SpongeBob and Patrick watch as he stomps away]
Plankton: Finally, the Krabby Patty secret recipe! [laughs evilly]
Squidward: [stomps on Plankton, causing him to swallow the bottle] Dig me out when my life doesn't stink.
[Bubble transition to the Chum Bucket; Plankton is sitting on the toilet grunting]
Karen: Don't hurt yourself, Poopsy.
Plankton: Quiet, Karen. Just bring me more prunes.

[Starts at Squidward's house. He walks up and puts on his hat. Opens his door]
Squidward: Ok, beloved sanctuary.[lifts a tentacle] I'll see you after work. [shoots to "Beloved Sanctuary"] And we'll have a nice, relaxing evening. [shoots to Squidward] Just you and me. [slams door] That is, Of course, if I can survive another day [walks across his lawn] with RaidingBob ShrillPants.
Patrick: [shoots to Patrick and SpongeBob] OOH!
SpongeBob: Laughing
[Patrick throws a big rock onto SpongeBob with his body. Patrick and SpongeBob laugh]
Squidward: Hm. [Walks towards Krusty Krab] Wow. Those two are just so amazingly stupid.
SpongeBob: [grunts]
[Patrick is thrown, bending Squidward's neck. SpongeBob jumps on Squidward's broken neck, laughing. Squidward falls. Squidward gets up and fixes his neck]
Squidward: Grrr!!
SpongeBob and Patrick: [both laugh]
[Patrick rolls next to SpongeBob and throws him by the legs]
SpongeBob: [screams]'
[Patrick walks up and he and SpongeBob laugh. Shoots to Squidward. SpongeBob throws Patrick and laughs]
SpongeBob: Ahh. Isn't this fun?
Patrick: Yeah! I love playing Buddy Toss! [Squidward walks past them]
SpongeBob: Good morning, Squidward! See you at work!
[shoots to Krusty Krab. Shows Squidward reading a newspaper]
SpongeBob: OWW! [This causes Squidward's newspaper to fly out of his hands]
[SpongeBob laughs]
[SpongeBob squirts mustard into Patrick's eyes]
Patrick: OWWW!!
[room rumbles]
Squidward: [groans] OK. I can do this. Just put them out of my mi...
SpongeBob: OWWWW!!! [laughs]
[Shows a card saying, "One extremely annoying shift later... Squidward bursts out of Krusty Krab]
Squidward: [screams and runs into his house. Locks door using every type of lock. Comes to crossword puzzle] A nine-letter word for annoying: SpongeBob. [writes "SpongeBob" on crossword] Ugh. [Wipes his face] Finally. Some peace and quiet. [Takes off hat. Puts feet into slippers] No more SpongeBob, Just me, myself and home sweet home. [Sits on chair] Ahh. Nothing like a squid's good ol chair to soothe the pains of a ruff day. Just relax and contemplate some me time. [Walks to record player and disc] Perhaps I will dance to some soothing dance records. [Puts disc on player and snaps fingers to the beat as well as dances] Or I could dabble a little on painting! [walks to paint and pallet. paints. sigh] Yup. I sure am looking forward to it. [eel sting]
SpongeBob: [laughs]
[eel sting]
[Laughter]
[eel sting]
[more laughter]
Squidward: NO, No, NOO! [walks to window]
Alright, I am trying to have a relaxing evening. What are you two doing?
Patrick: Trying to have a relaxing evening.
SpongeBob: We're playing flashlight tag.
Squidward: You're playing flashlight tag with an electric eel?
Patrick: We're using the advanced rules.
Squidward: Advanced rules.
Patrick: Tag.
[Squidward gets a rash then screams and comes sobbing hysterically.
He bonks himself on the wall, becoming dazed, and the window rings fall at him then the nose gets him]
Patrick: Shocking!
Electric Eel: [Sarcastically] How original.
[cuts to Squidward's house where he is under his chair in a fetal position]
Squidward: [crying] All I want to do is live in a world where I can just relax in peace [sniffs] and quiet. Is that too much to ask? [cries]
[SpongeBob pokes Squidward's head with a stick]
SpongeBob: Squidward, we're playing tag! Not hide and seek, you silly!
Patrick: But we can play hide and seek too.
Squidward: [still crying] All I want to do is live in a world where I can live in peace![sobs and cries]
SpongeBob: Patrick, Squidward is really sad...
Patrick: Yeah, let's go poke someone else.
SpongeBob: No, Patrick, we should do something very special for him, then he wont feel sad anymore!
Patrick: Oh, like that time when I was feeling depressed, and you let me eat all... I mean feed Gary for a week.
SpongeBob: No Patrick, I mean do something extra special, and I think we should vow to it
Patrick: Vow?
SpongeBob: Yeah vow
Patrick: Well, how about instead of vowing, we just do it?
SpongeBob: That's a great idea!
[cuts to later that night]
Squidward: [in bed] Good night... lamp. [turns lamp off. Then, sawing and hammering noises begin outside and Squidward turns the lamp back on] I guess having a relaxing evening meant saying up all night with power tools! Well, it's not that late, even morons need to sleep sometime.}}
[clock spins around until morning and construction sounds are still there]
Squidward: I can't take it anymore!!!!!!
[runs downstairs grumbling]
Squidward: When I get those two, I am gonna...! [opens door] All right, you two, I... [gasps. he walks out his door to a Hawaiian-like beach with tikis, palms, and waterfalls]
Squidward: It's, it's, it's... beautiful![gazes in amazement] it's a mirage! I knew it!
[starts walking back to his house. SpongeBob slingshots a Hawaiian shirt in him and Gary walks by with a coconut and Squidward grabs it. then Patrick uses a fishing pole to reel down a hat, sunglasses, and lei and drapes it around Squidward's head]
Squidward: [sadly] Next stop, padded room at the cephalopod home! [looks around at the beach and drinks some of the coconut] Just go with it, Squiddy.
[walks around a bit, then comes to a waterfall, goes inside, and takes a shower. then he comes back out to see a tiki boat waiting for him. he gets in and floats down a stream, drinking the coconut. then he realizes it is empty and notices a tiki bar ahead and stops]
Squidward; A refill, my good man! huh?[notices Patrick behind the bar blending a smoothie] Patrick?! what are you doing here!?
[Patrick turns around and pours the drink into Squidward's coconut. While he takes out a newspaper and reads it, Squidward drinks the drink]
Squidward : It's delicious! what is it?
Patrick: A smoothie
Squidward: Remember, just go with it.
[tiki song starts as three tikis watch Squidward in the boat]
Tiki #1; Hey fellas, look! it's Squidward!
Tiki #2; Hey, buddy, where ya been!?
Squidward: Hit it boys!
Tikis: Welcome, to Squidward's tiki land![song continues as Squidward floats down the stream]
Squidward: Ahhhh, this is the life!
[Boat bumps onto land where SpongeBob puts out a canvas and paint. Squidward then paints a picture of the wonderful scenery]
SpongeBob: It's beauuuuuuuuuutiful!!
[hands Squidward his clarinet and he starts playing]
Squidward: I've never felt this happy in my life! [laughs]
[grabs SpongeBob and Patrick by the hands and start dancing in circles. they are laughing and having a good time until Patrick crashes into one of the tikis and knocks them all over in a domino-like effect. the world catches on fire and burns until it's nothing but a pile of burnt ashes]
Squidward: My world!!!
[SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward are left looking at a charred pile of rubble]
Patrick: SpongeBob, I told you we should have used glue instead of earwax
SpongeBob: Yeah, and considering neither of us have ears
Squidward: [crying] You've destroyed my beautiful world!
SpongeBob: Sorry we couldn't make it last, Squidward
Patrick: Yeah, we really tried to make it last
Squidward: [sobbing] yeah, make it last, [bawls uncontrollably]
[sees the tiki boat still in one piece]
Squidward: I know how to make it last!
[Squidward has attached the boat to a swing and has SpongeBob and Patrick stand and take turns getting hit by it]
Squidward: [laughs nastily]
Patrick: [getting hit] OWWWW!
SpongeBob: My turn! OWWWWW!