Self-Proclaimed Psychic

[Intro: Schaffer the Darklord]
You’re in luck!
I shall accept this job
Now the fee for my services will depend on which course of exorcism you pick
Option A, the trial course, gets you 20%
Option B, the serious course, gets you 50%
And Option C, the all-out course, gets you a 99% spirit reduction
100% guaranteed, some restrictions apply
That said, it’s a bit difficult to completely get rid of one
Have no fear, if it comes back
I’ll get rid of it, for 20% off

[Verse 1: Schaffer the Darklord & LEX the Lexicon Artist]
You are standing in the presence of greatness
Take a chair, I gotcha
I, the world’s greatest psychic, Reigen Arataka
Am here to save you from your spirits and such
Unbelievably powerful and just fearless enough
I am idolized by espers, mocked by skeptic adults
Call me a phony, a fraud all you want
But check my results
I cured a one-click curse with my sorcery crush
Defeated a biker boss with my vanishing salt punch
This is but one of my many special attacks
I’m a pro at the con in confidence
I’m packing in stacks
And I got a secret weapon that'll solve any job
A validly talented adolescent named Mob
Hi
And sure I overwork him and I call him an idiot
But I care for the kid
At least that bit is legitimate
Guess my greatest gift’s the difference that a mentor can make
And not successfully selling suckers the oil of a snake

[Chorus: Schaffer the Darklord & LEX the Lexicon Artist]
I’m the world’s greatest psychic
And I’m his sidekick
Providing exorcisms at competitive prices
He’s a self-proclaimed genius
Nary a known weakness
But all of his clients find his abilities specious
I’m a silver-tongued devil
Are my powers not special?
You’ll be so crazy strong you’ll melt things when you get to my level
Okay, if you say so
Cheeseburger tornado!
I’m making a couple bucks an hour taking most of his caseload

[Verse 2: LEX the Lexicon Artist]
Going to school, acting a fool in front of all the girls (damn)
Wanna be cool, but follow the rules, and watch my life unfurl (huh)
Gotta be fit, I go to the gym, it makes me want to hurl (bleh)
But I got a job and I got a boss, the best in all the world (yeah)
That’s right, I’m a part-time employee
For a manager I find only slightly annoying
I get paid minimum wage for the spirits I eradicate
Some people never get that even after they graduate
He validates my talent when he lets me assist
Although I know my expertise is only second to his
It’s the outlet for my powers that I’ve missed
And if you resist my massive psycho wave you’re getting decked by his fist
We’re an epic team getting rid of monsters in your closet
Though I wish he’d let me add an extra chashu to my ramen
You can say it’s unethical, what we sell is corrupt
But hey, I’d rather go to work than do telepathy club

[Chorus: Schaffer the Darklord & LEX the Lexicon Artist]
I’m the world’s greatest psychic
And I’m his sidekick
Providing exorcisms at competitive prices
He’s a self-proclaimed genius
Nary a known weakness
But all of his clients find his abilities speechless
I’m a silver-tongued devil
Are my powers not special?
You’ll be so crazy strong you’ll melt things when you get to my level
Guess I'm kind of a novice
Anti-esper dropkick!
But watch me throw down when I walk in the office

[Chorus: Schaffer the Darklord, LEX the Lexicon Artist, Schaffer the Darklord with LEX the Lexicon Artist]
We’re the world’s best psychics
The masters of mind tricks
Providing exorcisms at competitive prices
He’s a self-proclaimed genius
Nary a known weakness
But all of his clients find his abilities speechless
I’m a silver-tongued devil
Are my powers not special?
You’ll be so crazy strong you’ll melt things when you get to my level
Okay, if you say so
Cheeseburger tornado!
I’m making a couple bucks an hour taking most of his caseload

[Outro: LEX the Lexicon Artist]
Yeah, I don’t know, but I kind of think that maybe after all the work I do
I deserve to add chashu to my ramen
Or an egg
Or extra noodles
Or something
I mean he’s already paying for my meal
And he’s a professional
And I’m in middle school
I don’t know
I’m not gonna tell him
Whatever
It’s fine