Pilot (Script)

TEASER

EXT. TO'HAJIILEE Native American Reservation

Pair of pants fly through the sky, an RV flies by and runs them over

CUT TO: INSIDE the Winnebago RV

The driver is wearing a gas mask, driving the RV frantically, glances to the passenger's seat to find another man passed out with a gas mask on. We briefly see two bodies, lab equipment, wads of money, and some type of sludge in the back of the RV. The driver tries to keep the RV on the road before crashing into bushes off the side of the road

CUT TO: OUTSIDE the Winnebago

The driver exits the RV, coughing heavily, wearing only his underwear. He goes into a fit of rage when he sees the RV is wrecked, and hurls his mask away from the vehicle

“DRIVER”: Shit!

Then panic. He hears sirens. The driver puts a shirt on, mumbling to himself the whole time, then re-enters the RV, holding his breath. He grabs the gun out of the hand of a man on the floor, and a wallet and camcorder from the glove box

“DRIVER”: To the camera My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroya Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico 87104. To all law enforcement entities, this is not an admission of guilt. I am speaking to my family now.

Covers the camera with his hand, crying. Composes himself, then...

WALTER WHITE: Skyler, you are the love of my life. I hope you know that. Walter Jr., you're my big man. There are going to be some things that you're going to come to learn about me in the next few days. I just want you to know that no matter how it may look, I only had you in my heart.

Walt turns to look for the oncoming sirens

WALTER WHITE: Goodbye

Turns off camera, lays wallet on the ground, takes the gun out of the waistband of his underwear. He is clearly shaken but determined. He walks up to the road, gun in hand, waiting for what he presumes to be police cars. Then he raises his gun, ready to shoot the first person that comes his way

END OF TEASER

CUT TO: WHITE HOUSE, master bedroom

*Walt's wife Skyler is sleeping while he lays next to her, wide awake. 5:02 AM.

CUT TO: WHITE HOUSE, spare bedroom

*Walt and Skyler are expecting a baby. There is an empty crib, as well as Pampers and an unopened baby monitor. Walt walks over to his stair-stepper and starts exercising. Camera pans to the wall, where we see a plaque awarded to Walt for research that led to a Nobel Prize in 1985. Walt gets off the stair-stepper*

CUT TO: WHITE HOUSE, kitchen, morning

Skyler hands Walt his breakfast, scrambled eggs and pieces of bacon in the shape of the number 50

SKYLER WHITE: Happy birthday. Kisses Walt on the cheek

WALT: Look at that

SKYLER: That is veggie bacon, believe it or not. Zero cholesterol and you won't even taste the difference.

WALTER: Hmm. sniffs veggie bacon

SKYLER: What time do you think you'll be home?

WALT: Same time.

SKYLER: I don't want him dicking you around tonight. You get paid til 5, you work til 5, no later.

Walter White Jr. enters the room, wearing forearm crutches

WALT JR (to both parents): Hey.

WALT JR (to Walt): Happy birthday!

WALT: Why thank you!

SKYLER (cutting Walt off): You're late...again.

WALT JR: There was no hot water...again.

SKYLER: I have an easy fix for that. You wake up early, and then you get to be the first person in the shower.

WALT JR: I have an idea. How about buy a new hot water heater? How's that idea? For the millionth, billionth time.

Walt starts coughing

SKYLER: Did you take your echinacea?

WALT: Yup. I think it's getting better.

WALT JR (interrupting them): What the hell is this?

SKYLER: Hey--

WALT: --it's veggie bacon. Watching our cholesterol... I guess.

WALT JR: Not me, I want real bacon. None of this fake crap.

SKYLER: Too bad, eat it.

WALT JR: Phew. This smells like Band-Aids.

SKYLER: Eat. it.

Walt Jr. makes a face at Skyler

WALT JR (to Walt): So, how's it feel to be old?

WALT: How does it feel to be a smartass?

WALT JR: Good.

WALT: Eat your veggie bacon.

CUT TO: J.P. WYNNE HIGH SCHOOL, morning

Walt pulls his Pontiak Aztek into Walt Jr.'s handicap spot

WALT (seeing Jr. is struggling with the door): You all set?

WALT JR: Yeah, I'm fine.

WALT: Alright, see you in a little.

WALT JR: OK, seeya.

Morning bell rings

CUT TO: Walt's CLASSROOM

WALT: Chemistry. It is the study of what?

Camera pans to the students, most of which are ignoring him

WALT: Anyone?

One student raises his hand

WALT: Ben?

BEN: Chemicals.

WALT: Chemicals! No. Chemistry is... Well technically, chemistry is the study of matter. But I prefer to see it as the study of change. Now just... Just think about this.

Walt turns on the gas in the front of the classroom and sparks a fire

WALT: Electrons change their energy levels. Molecules change their bonds.

Walt starts spraying Windex bottles full of chemicals at the fire, each one changing the fire to a different color. This causes some students to look up

WALT: Elements, they combine and change into compounds. Well that's, that's all of life, right? I mean it's just the constant, it's the cycle, it's solution...dissolution. Just over and over and over.

Camera pans to the back of the class where two students are ignoring Walt and flirting

WALT: It is growth, then decay, then transformation. It is fascinating, really.

Walt looks up and sees the two students.

WALT: Chad. Is there something wrong with your table?

Chad stands up

WALT: OK. Ionic bonds...

Chad drags his stool back to his desk, making as much noise as possible

WALT: Are you done? Ionic bonds, chapter 6.

CUT TO: TEACHER'S LOUNGE

Walt is eating a sandwich alone

CUT TO: A1A CARWASH

Walt is working inside as a cashier

WALT: 1, 2, 3 makes 10, and 10 makes 20. Here's your receipt. Just give this to your carwash professional. Thank you, come again.

Camera pans to show the carwash owner, Bogdan Wolynetz, yelling at someone in Romanian over the phone. Bogdan walks over to Walt

BOGDAN: He's not coming. He says he quits. I'm gonna run the register.

WALT: Bogdan, no. We talked about this.

BOGDAN: I'm shorthanded, Walter. What am I to do?

Walt looks like he has something to say but ends up looking away

BOGDAN: Walter?

Walter furiously storms out of the room and goes outside to wipe cars down

BOGDAN: What am I to do?

CUT TO: The OUTSIDE of the carwash, where workers are cleaning and wiping cars down

Walt carries his bucket over to an orange sports car and begins cleaning the wheels, coughing as he does it.

CHAD: Hey, Mr. White!

Chad takes a picture of Walt cleaning the car on his cell phone

CHAD: Makes those tires shine, huh?

CHAD'S GIRLFRIEND (on the phone): Oh my god! You will not believe who's cleaning Chad's car

Walt continues to clean the wheel, clearly humiliated

CUT TO: INSIDE Walt's car, after work

Walt tries to stick Junior's handicap placard in the glove compartment. He's unable to close the glove box and grows frustrated. He forces himself to hold down the anger that's been building throughout the day

CUT TO: WHITE HOUSE

Walt walks in the front door

EVERYONE: Surprise!!

Walt is shocked

SKYLER: Hands Walt a beer, kisses him You are so very late

Camera focuses on Skyler talking to two other women

CARMEN MOLINA: Really, I'm serious Skyler. I mean you're flat as a washboard. You look awesome. To other woman She's not showing at all is she?

MARIE SCHRADER: She's showing a little.

Awkward pause

SKYLER: Carmen, this is my sister Marie.

CARMEN: Nice to meet you.

MARIE: Hi.

Camera zooms in on a gun being pulled out in another room

AGENT HANK SCHRADER: Glock 22. That's my daily carry, OK. I mean unless you're talking, what, Plus V Plus slugs, you forget the 9 mill, alright. Shit, I've seen one of those bounce of a windshield one time.

STEVE GOMEZ: Yeah, with you shooting.

Everyone laughs

HANK: If you're gonna bring a gun, baby, you gotta bring enough gun.

Hank hands a gun to Walt Jr., Walt looks across the room concerned

HANK: 40 caliber.

WALT JR: This is awesome right here.

HANK: Nice, isn't it?

WALT JR: Dad, come check this out.

WALT: Yeah, I see it.

Walt Jr. extends the gun

WALT JR: Come on, take it!

HANK: Check it out Walt!

Walt takes the gun

WALT: Ah. It's just heavy.

HANK: That's why they hire men.

Everyone laughs

HANK: Hey, it's not gonna bite ya, alright? He looks like Keith Richards with a glass of warm milk.

More laughter, Hank stands up

HANK: Hey everybody, listen up, listen up. I'm gonna give a little toast, a little toast to my brother-in-law, c'mere! Walt, you got a brain the size of Wisconsin. But we're not gonna hold that against ya.

Hank starts laughing, so does the whole room

HANK: But your heart's in the right place, man. You're heart's in the right place. We love you man, we love you. Everybody -- to Walt! Nostrovia!

EVERYONE: Nostrovia!

Hank takes a drink then looks at his watch

HANK: Oh shit, turn on channel 3!

Camera cuts to the TV screen, which shows Hank getting interviewed after a drug bust

HANK (on TV): ...at which point we apprehended three individuals and placed them into custody. I'm proud to say the outstanding professionalism of my fellow agents at the Albuquerque district office resulted in a substantial amount of methamphetamine being taken off the streets

While everyone is crowded around the TV, Walt is all alone across the room, listening to Hank's interview and thinking to himself

INTERVIEWER: Were any shots fired?

TV HANK: No ma'am. Our agents took the suspects by surprise.

GOMEZ (speaking over the interview): Damn, the camera does add 10 pounds.

MARIE: 10 pounds?

Hank raises both middle fingers

HANK: Hey, sit and spin, both of ya.

SKYLER: Hank...

HANK: What...?

Skyler points to Junior

HANK (to Junior, jokingly): Sorry, you didn't see that

Back to TV, where stacks of drug money are being shown off

TV HANK: ...it's clearly an ongoing operation. Which was well-organized...

WALT (speaking over TV): Hank, how much money is that?

HANK: That's about $700 grand, pretty good haul.

WALT (stunned): Wow...

TV HANK: As I say, it's a good day for the citizens of Albuquerque when we can put this big of a dent into the local drug trade.

WALT: That's unusual isn't it, that kind of cash?

HANK: It's not the most we ever took. It's easy money -- til we catch ya. Walt just say the word and I'll take you on a ride along. Y'know, you can watch us knock down a meth lab. Get a little excitement in your life.

WALT (smiling): Some day.

CUT TO: MASTER BEDROOM, after the party

Skyler's in bed, on her laptop, Walt is getting into bed

WALT: Which one's this?

SKYLER: The faux-Lalique vase I picked up at the super-swap.

WALT: How's it doing?

SKYLER: Well, I met my reserve, and there's still 2 minutes.

WALT: Wow.

Skyler reaches down Walt's pants but keeps her eyes on the laptop screen

WALT: What's up?

SKYLER: You tell me, birthday boy.

SKYLER (still down Walt's pants): Oh hey, so what's up for Saturday?

WALT: Carwash. Bogdan said he needed me.

SKYLER: Til what time? Noon, 1ish?

WALT: Probably 2, more like.

SKYLER: And then what after that?

WALT: Actually, I was thinking of driving up to Los Alamos. The visitor center has an exhibit that's really supposed to be...

SKYLER (interrupting): You're not gonna paint?

WALT: No, I'll paint. It's just that, you know this exhibition on Mars rover photographs... I mean the detail really is supposed to be amazing.

SKYLER: It's just that I really need you to paint at some point, the sooner the back bedroom gets finished...

WALT: I know, I know.

SKYLER: And I'd do it myself except that you said you don't want me standing on the step ladder...

WALT: I'll paint.

SKYLER: OK.

Skyler turns to Walt, lifts up the covers

SKYLER: What is going on down there? Is he asleep?

WALT: It's nothing, it's just... I dunno. You gotta be careful about the baby.

SKYLER: Don't worry about the baby, this is just for you. We are just doing you tonight. Just close your eyes, and relax, and let...

SKYLER (to Walt): Close your eyes.

WALT: Mm, OK.

SKYLER (satisfied): There ya go. That's it, that's it. There you go. Keep it going, keep it going. Keep it going, keep...

Skyler looks down at her laptop

SKYLER: YES!!

Walt opens his eyes, startled

SKYLER: 56! Woo!

The two share an uneasy look

CUT TO: A1A Carwash

Walt is rolling a barrell around outside the carwash, struggling. He looks up and sees a young woman in a green dress getting her car washed, then goes into a coughing fit. Next thing you know he’s on the ground

CUT TO: AMBULANCE, speeding down the highway

WALT: This is so embarrassing. I’m fine, honestly. It’s just some bug going around. First my wife had it, then my son, now me. It’s just like a chest cold. It could be low blood sugar as well, I didn’t have the greatest breakfast this morning.

Paramedic continues working on Walt without responding

WALT: Hey, can you do me a favor? Can you just drop me off at a corner or something?

PARAMEDIC: Uh, no. Sorry.

WALT: It’s just that I don’t have the greatest insurance

PARAMEDIC: Take a couple of deep breaths for me

Walt inhales then immediately starts coughing

PARAMEDIC: Is there anybody you want us to contact for you?

WALT: Ha. God no.

PARAMEDIC: Lean forward for me, would ya?

Walt gets up, paramedic checks his breathing

PARAMEDIC: Mr. White are you a smoker?

WALT: No. Never. Why do you ask?

The paramedic looks at Walt without saying anything, but it looks like he’s holding back bad news

CUT TO: Inside the hospital, PET SCAN machine

The camera is looking down at Walt as he lays there silently

CUT TO:Inside the doctor’s office

The camera starts off at the reflection of Walt’s face in the table, then pans up to show his face. The doctor’s lips are moving, but all that we can hear is a ringing noise, getting louder and louder. The camera zooms in on the mustard stain on the doctor’s lab coat

DOCTOR: Mr. White? Mr. White?

WALT: Yes?

DOCTOR: You understood what I’ve just said to you.

WALT (calmly): Yes. Lung cancer. Inoperable.

DOCTOR: I’m sorry. I just need to make sure you fully understand.

WALT: Best case scenario, with chemo, I’ll live maybe another couple years. It’s just… You’ve got mustard on your… Mustard there… Right there….

Camera zooms out. The doctor looks confused and Walt looks eerily relaxed

CUT TO: WHITE HOUSE, kitchen

SKYLER (on phone): So my records show that I paid it and I certainly don’t feel that we owe any late…

Voice on the phone cuts her off

SKYLER: Alright.

Walt walks into the room, wearing the same clothes he had on for the diagnosis

SKYLER: Well, um, I’ll check with the bank, and maybe the post office lost it or something? Yeah. Let me look into that. OK. Thank you.

Hangs up phone

SKYLER (to Walt): Hey.

WALT: Hey.

SKYLER: Did you use the Mastercard last month, $15.88 at Staples?

WALT: We needed printer paper.

SKYLER: Walt, the Mastercard’s the one we don’t use.

WALT: OK.

SKYLER: So, how was your day?

Walt is caught off guard, has to think about his answer

WALT: I don’t know it was… fine.

Walt forces a smile

CUT TO: Inside of A1A Carwash

Walt is behind the register again, staring longingly out the window. Orange, red, green, and blue lights flash overhead as Walt stares longingly out the window. Bogdan is on the phone again. The ringing noise heard during Walt’s diagnosis has returned

BOGDAN: Walter. Come on, man, I am shorthanded, I need you outside to do some wipedowns. Come on.

WALT: What?

BOGDAN: I said I need you outside to do some wipedowns. Are you here to work or to be staring at the skies? Come on, let’s go.

Walter gets out from behind the counter, gets in Bogdan’s face

WALT: Fuck you Bogdan!

BOGDAN: What?

WALT: I said fuck you! And your eyebrows!

Walt goes berzerk, knocking supplies off of the wall. Grabs his balls then turns to face Bogdan

WALT: Wipe down this!

Walt walks out of the store, blue and red lights flashing overhead

CUT TO: WHITE HOUSE, poolside

Walt is lighting matches then throwing them in the pool. After lighting three, he reaches for his phone

HANK (on phone): Yo!

WALT: Hank, Hank it’s Walt.

HANK: Hey!

WALT: Hey, listen I didn’t wake you did I?

HANK: Nah.

WALT: Oh good, good… Oh no no, nothing’s wrong I just, uh, I’ve been thinking about that offer. That ride along.

CUT TO: A new neighborhood, DEA agents stationed outside

HANK: It’s the last house on the right. See it? Not the two story one, the one next to it. Uh, kind of, um, I dunno what do you call that, um, green?

GOMEZ: Sage.

HANK: Sage? Do you work at the fucking pottery barn? Jesus

GOMEZ: Sage. That’s the word for it. My fault the only word your dumb ass knows is green?

HANK: Cheese dick. I know that one, how bout that?

HANK (to Walt): Anyway, it’s the “sage” one, see it?

WALT: So, what tells you it’s a meth lab?

HANK: Just our snitch. Says, uh, some dude goes by “Cap’n Cook”. Lives up to his name in there. He always adds a dash of chili powder.

Camera cuts to Walt’s face, a little disgusted

HANK: You exuberant Mexicans.

GOMEZ: Uh uh. Cap’n Cook? That’s a white boy’s name. Dopey as hell, too.

HANK: Yeah? Tell you what. I bet you 20 bucks that says he’s a beaner.

GOMEZ: Alright, you’re one.

HANK: Come on, come on, come on, come on…

A yellow school bus drives in front of the meth lab

HANK (on his radio): Alright, school bus is clear, you got the green light.

A black SUV filled with DEA agents flies down the street, Hank starts his Jeep

HANK: Watch this, it makes em shit.

Hank starts humming “Ride of the Valkyries”

DEA AGENTS: Go, go, go.

HANK: Meth labs are nasty on a good day, you mix that shit wrong and you got mustard gas.

WALT: Phosphine gas.

Hank gives Walt a look

WALT: I think…

HANK: Yeah, exactly. One whiff will kill ya, that’s why the respirators

CUT TO: Inside the METH LAB

The place is a dump. It’s filled with lab equipment that hasn’t been cleaned in a while and harmful looking chemicals. Emilio is sitting at a table with his headphones in, chopping something up, oblivious to what is going on outside his house

Camera cuts back outside, the DEA agents take out the glass door and begin storming in. Emilio finally realizes what is going on and tries to run. He trips in the kitchen and is apprehended by DEA

AGENT: (on radio to Hank): House is clear, one suspect in custody.

HANK: Copy that. The suspect, might he be of the Latino persuasion?

AGENT: Driver’s license says Emilio Koyama.

GOMEZ: Asian! Pay up sucker.

HANK: Hey, hey! First name Emilio, that’s at least half a beaner. I tell you what, I’ll let you off for a 10. Cheer up Gomie, you people still got JLo.

WALT: Hank, you think I might get to go inside? See the actual lab?

HANK (a little surprised): Uhhhh, yeah. Yeah. I tell you what, we’re gonna go peek our heads in, check it out first, you stay here a minute.

Hank and Gomez exit the car, leaving Walt alone. Right as they leave, a man from the house next door jumps onto the roof in his underwear, frantically trying to get dressed. Walt doesn’t know how to react. The man trips and falls off the roof, a shirtless woman starts throwing his clothes down to him

WALT: Oh my god.

Walt makes eye contact with the man, recognizing him

JESSE PINKMAN (realizing Walt sees him): Fuck.

WALT: Oh my god. Pinkman?

Jesse gives Walt a “shhh”, then runs to his car. Walt gets out to pursue him, only to see Jesse Pinkman speeding away in his red Monte Carlo, license plate reading “THE CAPN”

CUT TO: PINKMAN HOUSE, night

Walt pulls his Pontiak up front as Jesse is covering up his car with a tarp. Walt starts walking towards him, Jesse grabs a tire iron

WALT: Hey, uh, it’s me. I’m alone.

JESSE: How’d you find me?

WALT: You’re still in our filing system. So your aunt owns this place, right?

JESSE: I own it.

*Walt shrugs*

WALT: Look, no one’s looking for you.

JESSE: Why are you here?

WALT: I was curious. Honestly I never expected you to amount to much, but methamphetamine? I didn’t picture that. There’s a lot of money in it, huh?

JESSE: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

WALT: No?

JESSE: Not a clue.

WALT (walking towards Jesse): Cap’n Cook? That’s not you?

*Walt lifts the tarp off of Jesse’s car, revealing the license plate*

WALT: Like I said, no one is looking for you.

JESSE: Look, I don’t know what you think you’re doing here, Mr. White. I mean if you’re planning on giving me some bullwinder about getting right with Jesus, or turn myself in…

WALT (interrupting): Not really.

JESSE: ...high school was a long time ago, OK? You ain’t “Welcome Back Kotter”, so step off. No speeches.

WALT: Short speech. You lost your partner today. What’s his name, Emilio? Emilio is going to prison. DEA took all your money, your lab, you got nothing. Square one. But you know the business, and I know the chemistry.

*Camera shows Jesse looking stunned when he realizes what Walt is getting at*

WALT: I’m thinking maybe you and I could partner up.

*Jesse gives Walt a blank stare for a few seconds then starts laughing*

JESSE: You, uh, you wanna cook crystal meth?

*Walt nods*

JESSE: You? You and uh.. and me? (laughs)

WALT: That’s right.

JESSE (still in shock): Wow.

WALT: Either that or I turn you in.

INT: WHITE HOUSE, kitchen

MARIE: What the hell is this?

SKYLER: Hell if I know, I described it as mosaic folk art.

MARIE: Somebody bought it?

SKYLER: Yeah, some guy in Minneapolis. $14 plus shipping.

MARIE: At this rate, in 50 or 60 years you’ll be rich.

*Skyler gives her a look*

MARIE: So how goes the novel?

SKYLER: It’s not a novel, actually, which I have...

MARIE: You’re not writing a novel? You told me you were.

SKYLER: No. Short stories. I said that maybe if eventually I have enough good ones that maybe I’ll try and (pause) publish another collection

MARIE: Well those really didn’t sell. I just thought a novel would be easier to sell.

SKYLER: Yeah, well, maybe so.

MARIE: Ever want me to read anything I could critique it for you.

SKYLER: Oh? No.

*Awkward silence*

SKYLER (covering her tracks): I mean I’m just not at that stage where I… no.

MARIE: Open offer. So what’s up with Walt lately?

SKYLER: What do you mean? He’s fine.

MARIE: He just seems, I don’t know, quieter than usual.

SKYLER: Turning fifty’s a big deal. I mean I’m sure as hell not looking forward to forty. You’re gonna be a complete basket case.

MARIE: So it’s a mid-life crisis?

SKYLER: No, he’s just quiet.

MARIE: How’s the sex?

SKYLER: Marie! Jesus

MARIE: Guess that answers that.

CUT TO: JP WYNNE HIGH SCHOOL, chemistry lab

*Walt is alone, pulling lab equipment off the shelves and into a box. He carries the box out of the school*

CUT TO: PINKMAN HOUSE

*Walt backs his Pontiak into the driveway, begins unloading the equipment*

WALT (to Jesse): You just gonna sit there?

*Jesse reluctantly gets up*

WALT: Look at this, look at this. A Kjeldahl-style recovery flask. 800 milliliters. Very rare. You got your usual paraphernelia, Griffin beakers, your Erlenmeyer flask. But -- the piece de resistance. Round bottom boiler flask, 5,000 millileters.

JESSE: Well I cook in one of those. A big one.

WALT: One of these? No, this is a volumetric flask, you wouldn’t cook in one of these.

JESSE: Uh, yeah. I do.

WALT: Uh, no. You don’t. A volumetric flask is for general mixing an titration. You wouldn’t apply heat to a volumetric flask, that’s what a boiling flask is for. Did you learn nothing from my chemistry class?

JESSE: No. You flunked me. Remember?

WALT: No wonder.

JESSE: Prick! And let me tell you something else. This ain’t chemistry. OK, this is art.

WALT (laughing): Oh?

JESSE: Cooking is art. And the shit I cook is the bomb, so don’t be telling me.

WALT: The shit you cook is shit. I saw your setup, ridiculous! You and I will not make garbage. We will produce a chemically pure and stable product that performs as advertised. No adulterants, no baby powder, no chili powder.

JESSE: No, no, chili P is my signature.

WALT: Not anymore.

JESSE: Yeah, well we’ll see about that. What the hell is this?

WALT: Lab safety equipment. We’re also gonna gave an emergency eye wash station. These chemicals and their fumes are toxic, in case you didn’t know that.

JESSE: Well you can dress up like a faggot if you want, not me.

*Cut to Jesse’s garage, lab equipment stacked in boxes. Jesse puts a tarp over it*

JESSE: Listen this doesn’t stay for more than a day.

WALT: What? I thought we were gonna cook here?

JESSE: No, we’re not gonna cook here. This is my house, I don’t shit where I eat.

WALT: Well then where are we gonna work?

JESSE: You tell me. This is your deal man, you wanna smoke it up smoke it up at your house.

*Walt gives a look, clearly unwilling to do that*

JESSE: Nah, I didn’t think so. Oh well.

WALT: Well, what if we rented one of those self storage places, you know one of those little orange garages and worked out of there?

JESSE: No. They’re onto that, they got dogs that sniff around. RV, that’s what you want.

WALT: What, like a Winnebago?

JESSE: Yeah. Now I know a dude who wants to sell his, just goes camping with it. But a mobile meth lab? That’d be the bomb. I mean drive way out in the boonies, be all evasive.

*Walt nods*

CUT TO: MESA CREDIT UNION

*Walt exits the building with an envelope full of cash and walks towards Jesse’s car, handing him the envelope. Jesse counts it out*

JESSE: Dude this isn’t even 7 grand, alright, my guy wants 85.

WALT: This is all of the money I have in the world. You’re a drug dealer, negotiate.

JESSE: You are not how I remembered you from class, I mean like not at all.

WALT (checking watch): Well I gotta go.

JESSE: Wait, wait, hold up. Tell me why you’re doing this. Seriously.

WALT: Why do you do it?

JESSE: Money, mainly.

WALT: There you go.

JESSE: Nah, come on! Some straight like you, giant stick up his ass, all of a sudden at age, what, sixty? He’s just gonna break bad?

WALT: I’m 50.

JESSE: It’s weird is all, OK? It doesn’t compute. Listen, if you’ve gone crazy or something, I mean if you’ve gone crazy or depressed I’m just saying that’s something I need to know about, OK? I mean that affects me.

*Walt pauses to think about how to respond*

WALT: I am awake.

JESSE: What?!

WALT: Buy the RV.

*Walt starts walking away*

WALT: We start tomorrow.

CUT TO: FAMILY 1ST CLOTHING, dressing room

*Walt Jr. is struggling to put a pair of jeans on*

SKYLER (from outside dressing room): How’s it coming in there?

WALT JR: Fine.

SKYLER: Do you want me or your dad?

WALT JR: Dad.

*Walt walks in, helps Junior pull his pants up. Cut to outside the dressing room, the family is looking at the jeans in the mirror*

SKYLER: So how are those feeling in the waist? Are they too tight? Because you don’t want to get them if they’re too tight.

WALT JR: They’re…

*Laughter off-screen*

WALT JR: They’re pre-shrunk.

*Camera pans to show a group of teenagers laughing at Junior*

SKYLER: Are you sure you don’t wanna get like a different kind, like the, you know, the skinny jeans? Because those are really supposed to be in style now. The skaters wear them.

WALT JR: Do I look like a skater?

*Camera cuts back to the mirror to show the reflection of Walt checking out the hecklers*

SKYLER: Alright.

BULLY: Hey mom, check out my big boy pants. Momma could you zip up my big boy pants?

*Camera zooms in on Walt’s face, he’s furious. Skyler looks like she’s about to go over to say something to them*

WALT: Don’t.

*Walt walks towards the back door*

SKYLER: Walt?!

WALT JR (to Skyler): What…

SKYLER: I have no idea.

*The bullies keep laughing in the background. Junior looks upset*

SKYLER: You know what, don’t even look at them. They’re obviously very stupid.

*Junior nods in agreement*

SKYLER: Yeah. I think that um, I think that those jeans look really good on you. I think you should get them if you like them, OK? You know what, why don’t you just hang out here for a second, I’ll be right back.

BULLY: Oh no! Mommy I think that I pinched a loaf in my brand new big boy pants!

*Skyler starts walking towards the bullies, ready to say something, when she sees Walt burst through the front door of the store. He kicks out the bully’s legs and stands on his calf. Skyler is stunned*

BULLY: Ow! What are you doing?

WALT: What’s wrong, chief? Having a little trouble walking?

BULLY: Get off me, get off me!

*Walt gets off, the bully charges towards him*

BULLY: I’ll mess you up, man.

WALT: Well you have one shot, you better make it good. What are you waiting for your girlfriends? You better go. You better go. Take it! Take your shot.

*Walt gets in his face*

WALT: TAKE IT!

*Camera cuts to Skyler and Junior, Skyler looks terrified, Junior looks impressed. It’s like there’s an entirely different person in front of them*

WALT: Come on, come on.

BULLY’S FRIENDS: Come on lets’ get out of here, let’s go.

BULLY (to Walt): Psycho.

*The three of them walk out of the store. Walt looks satisfied, gives a small nod to Junior and Skyler*

CUT TO: TO’HAJIILEE

*The camera shows the beautiful scenery then cuts to Walt near the RV. Jesse is surveying the area from the top of some rocks*

JESSE: Yeah, nothing but cows. Got some big cow-house way out that way, like 2 miles. But I don’t see nobody.

WALT: “Cow house”?

JESSE: Yeah. Where they live. The cows. Whatever man. Shit, yeah let’s cook here.

WALT (to himself): Cow house… God help me.

*Walt starts getting undressed*

JESSE: Uh, what are you doing?

WALT: These are my good clothes. Can’t go home smelling like a meth lab.

JESSE: Uh, yeah you can, I do.

*Jesse points at Walt’s tighty-whities*

JESSE: Those? Those, uh, wow. You’re keeping those on right?

WALT: Come on. Daylight’s burning.

JESSE: Oh my god.

*Takes out camcorder, starts filming. We see Walt working in his tighty-whities through the camera lens, the same camera Walt used to film himself in the teaser*

JESSE: Wow, that’s a good look for you. I mean you’re maybe only the world’s second biggest homo.

WALT: Shut up and help me.

*Zooms in on the underwear*

JESSE: Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Work it baby. Work it.

WALT: Turn that off!

*Montage of Walt and Jesse cooking. Walt clearly knows what he’s doing. Camera cuts to outside the RV where yellow smoke is coming out of the top. Cut back inside the RV, the camera zooms in on the finished product*

JESSE: This is glass grade. I mean you got… Jesus, you got crystals in here two inches, three inches long! This is pure glass!

WALT (playing it off): Yeah.

JESSE: You’re a goddamn artist! This is art Mr. White!

WALT: Actually it’s just basic chemistry, but thank you Jesse, I’m glad it’s acceptable.

JESSE: Acceptable? You’re the goddamn Iron Chef! Every jibbhead from here to Timbuktu’s gonna want a taste. Man I gotta try this.

WALT (emphatically): No. No. No, we only sell it, we don’t use it.

JESSE: OK, since when? Listen, you’ve been watching way too much Miami Vice. That ain’t happening.

WALT: So, what now? How do we proceed?

JESSE: We cook more tomorrow. Meantime, I know just the guy to talk to.

*Jesse puts a few crystals into a mini plastic bag*

CUT TO: KRAZY 8’S HOUSE

*A dog is barking as Krazy 8 trains it to attack a dummy he has hanging up. Jesse walks in*

JESSE: Hey, yo. Kraze, how you doing my man? You got a new dog, right on man. What’s his name?

*Krazy 8 doesn’t look up, still focused on training the dog*

JESSE: Yeah I had a dog like that once. Maybe like twice as big. Super purebred. Now me personally, I would train him to go straight for the, uh, nutsac.

KRAZY 8: Shut your mouth and show me your money.

JESSE: I ain’t buying, ese. I’m selling.

*This finally gets Krazy 8’s attention. He tells the dog to heel, and turns to take the baggie from Jesse*

JESSE: Tell me that ain’t the finest scante you ever laid eyes on. Go ahead. Try it.

*Krazy crushes the crystal up and snorts it*

JESSE (to dog): Hey poochie, how you doing?

*Dog leaps up, Jesse jumps back. He turns to see Krazy 8 trying the product*

JESSE: Boo-ya! See, what I say?

KRAZY 8: It’s alright.

JESSE: Alright? It’s alright? Yeah it’s alright.

KRAZY 8: So what, you back in business?

JESSE: Hell yeah I’m back. With a vengeance. Vato loco gotta make a living. And with your cousin gone away and all and… And listen, homes. About that. It really broke me up about Emilio. That dude is like my brother. He okay, you talk to him?

KRAZY 8: Yeah, I talked to him. Said when the feds came you were out sticking it in some neighbor lady.

JESSE (laughing): Hey, you know, I got lucky twice.

KRAZY 8: I don’t know, man. Emilio, he thinks maybe you dimed on him.

JESSE: Whoa whoa whoa, hey that is bullshit. That is bullshit, Krazy 8! You know I should kick his punk ass for even thinking that. You know what, next time you talk to Emilio you tell him for me, alright?

*Camera shows Emilio walking down the staircase*

KRAZY 8: Why don’t you tell him yourself? Made bail this morning.

EMILIO: Go ahead, pendejo. Kick my ass!

*Krazy 8, Emilio, and the dog close in on Jesse. Krazy 8 slaps Jesse with the baggie full of meth*

KRAZY 8: Where did you get this? Hmm? Cuz I know your little punk ass didn’t cook it.

CUT TO: RV

*Walt is getting undressed again, preparing for his second batch of meth, when a yellow car bumping loud music pulls up. Krazy 8 gets out of the car and laughs when he sees Walt in his underwear*

KRAZY 8: Damn, man. What are you some kind of nudist?

*Camera cuts to inside Krazy 8’s car where Emilio has Jesse restrained*

KRAZY 8: That’s some stone-fine tic-tic you been cooking there, ese. How bout you come work for me?

WALT: I’d be willing to sell it to you, if the price is right.

*Krazy 8 motions to Emilio who hands him a plastic bag full of cash. He holds it up for Walt to see. Walt approves*

KRAZY 8: You out here all by yourself, huh?

*Emilio makes eye contact with Walt, jumps out of the car*

EMILIO (to Walt): Hey, I know you! He was there when I got busted. He’s with the DEA!

WALT: No!

EMILIO (to Jesse): Goddamned rata snitch, motherfucker!

*Krazy 8 and Emilio pull out their guns, Jesse jumps out of the car*

JESSE: Run, Mr. White, run!

*Jesse trips, knocking himself out. Emilio stands over him with his gun cocked*

EMILIO: I say we cap em both.

*Krazy 8 holds his gun up to Walt, laughs when he sees how terrified Walt is*

KRAZY 8: You really cook up that batch?

*Walt nods*

KRAZY 8: You an artist. It’s a damn shame.

*Cocks back his gun and puts it to Walt’s head*

WALT: Wait! Wait a minute. Listen to me, I’ll teach you my recipe, huh? What do you say? You wanna cook like me? (cough) You let us both live and I will teach you, huh?

*Krazy 8 approves. He and Walt enter the RV. Emilio duct tapes Jess’s hands and feet together, kicks him in the ribs, then joins Krazy and Walt in the RV*

WALT (to Emilio): Put the cigarette out.

*Emilio says nothing, looks to Krazy 8*

WALT (to Krazy 8): Please.

*Krazy 8 nods to Emilio, gestures to throw it out of the window. Emilio takes a deep drag, blows the smoke in Walt’s face, then tosses it out. Walt goes back to cooking with Krazy 8 peering over his shoulder. Walt appears to be up to something, and reaches for the Red Phosphorus*

KRAZY 8: Move it, homes. Ain’t got all day.

*Emilio sticks his gun in Walt’s face, Walt jumps back*

WALT: OK.

*Walt uncaps the Red Phosphorus, holds his breath, then throws it into a pot being heated by a fire. He sprints out of the RV as the reaction causes an explosion, slamming the door shut and trapping Emilio and Krazy 8 inside the RV. They fire 5 shots into the door as they try to escape, before beginning to cough violently and eventually going silent. Walt runs over to Jesse’s unconscious body, then sees that Emilio’s cigarette has started a brush fire right next to the RV. He tries to put it out with his apron, and when he realizes this is impossible he sticks a respirator on Jesse and piles him into the RV*

*We have finally arrived at the flash forward we saw during the teaser. It replays the footage of Walt driving with Jesse unconscious in the passenger seat with Emilio and Krazy 8 laying on the ground. We pick up where we left off in the teaser, with Walt holding his gun up as he waits for police to come. Except, this time he loses his nerve*

WALT (close to tears): Shit. Shit!

*Walt sticks the gun to his throat and pulls the trigger. Walt is stunned when nothing is happened, and realizes the safety was still on. He fumbles with the gun, trying to turn the safety off, and ends up firing a shot into the ground. He’s lost all of the confidence he seemed to have at the end of the teaser, and drops the gun down, raising his arms and waiting for the police to take him in. But when he looks up, he sees the sirens are coming from fire engines, not police cars. They honk at him to get off the road, as they’re here to put out a fire, not arrest drug dealers as Walt suspected. The engines drive by without even stopping to check the RV, and then Jesse stumbles out*

JESSE: What happened?

*Walt is unresponsive*

JESSE: Hey! What’d you do to them?

WALT: Red phosphorus, in the presence of moisture, accelerated by heat, yields phosphorus triiodide. Phosphine gas. One good whiff and…

*Walt bends over and pukes.

WALT: We gotta, we gotta clean this up.

*Walt walks towards the RV, Jesse shakes his head*

CUT TO: WHITE HOUSE, laundry room

*Dollar bills are being put through the drier, Walt collects them all up then stashes them*

CUT TO: BEDROOM

*Skyler is laying in bed alone. Walt gets in bed*

SKYLER: Where were you? Walt, I don’t know what’s been going on with you lately but…

WALT: I’m fine.

SKYLER: Whatever it is, I’ll tell you this. I do not like it when you don’t talk to me. The worst thing you can do is shut me out.

*Walt turns to Skyler and starts kissing her. Things escalate and they start having sex*

SKYLER: Walt, is that you?!