Rochdale Cowboy

[Spoken Intro]
Never before in the history of mankind has a story been told of those brave frontiersmen who carved out a passage in the north-west and made it a place fit for heroes to live in. This is the story of one such man. His name: Fred Ackroyd

[Chorus]
It's hard being a cowboy in Rochdale
Spurs don't fit right on me clogs
It's hard being a cowboy in Rochdale
'Cause people laugh when I ride past
On our Alsatian dog

[Verse 1]
Almost every night, there's a tripe and cowheel fight
In our local pie 'n' pea saloon
And poor old Uncle Fred, he's spеnt eighteen months in bed
'Cause hе tried to kiss a girl who's a boy called Sue

[Chorus]
And it's hard being a cowboy in Rochdale
The spurs don't fit right on me clogs
It's hard being a cowboy in Rochdale
'Cause people laugh when I ride past
On our Alsatian dog

[Verse 2]
When sun shines in the west, that's the time what I like best
And I go out punching cows with me brother Jack
And poor old Uncle Fred, he's spent eighteen months in bed
'Cause he punched one cow and she went and punched him back

[Verse 3]
At local temperance bar, we'd go and have a jar
Where there's sarsaparilla and licorice juice to drink
And poor old Uncle Fred, he's spent eighteen months in bed
'Cause he supped the stuff they use to clean the sink

[Chorus]
And it's hard being a cowboy in Rochdale
The spurs don't fit right on me clogs
It's hard being a cowboy in Rochdale
'Cause people laugh when I ride past
On our Alsatian dog

[Verse 4]
When us cowpokes hit town, we go and horse around
Wi' t' good time girls in the house of Mucky Peg
When Auntie Kitty found Uncle Fred, he spent eighteen months in bed
'Cause you can't run fast with your pants half-way down your legs

[Chorus]
It's hard being a cowboy in Rochdale
The spurs don't fit right on me clogs
It's hard being a cowboy in Rochdale
People laugh when I ride past
On our Alsatian dog

[Spoken]
Hi-ho Spot, away!
Aye up, who were that man's bottom ram's mask? I mean, who was that masked man Ramsbottom, eh?