Looking At Fellers

Howdy
(Howdy)
I'm just as proud to be here
Well, sir, I'm just as proud and happy to be down here with all you fine folks
And handsome fellers too
Now, they are
Sure enough, I been lookin' at 'em
I just look, it don't do no good, but I still look
It's kinda like going down to the depot and watchin' the trains go by
You love to hear the whistle even if you ain't goin' nowhere
But I did have two nice lookin' fellers kinda look at me tonight as I was walkin' in out there
They was two of the handsomest fellers standin' there
And I looked over at them and smiled
And they looked over at me and laughed out loud
One of them said to the other one, he said
"I believe that's the ugliest woman I ever seen in my life"
Other one said, "Yeah, she's awful ugly
But she might be a pretty good ol' girl
You know, beauty's only skin deep"
And the other one said, "Well, let's skin her"
See, I can't help the way I look
When they passed around looks
I thought they said books
And I said, "Give me a funny one"
Well, so this other feller, he says to me, he says now
"I believe I recognize that girl"
Said, "That's that Minnie Pearl"
Said, "She's been down there at the Grand Ole Opry for a hundred and seventy-five and a half years"
He said, "She carries on like she's from the country
He said, "I bet she ain't from the country"
He said, "I bet she don't know a goose from a gander"
I turned around, I said, "Well, at Grinder's Switch we don't worry about that
We just put 'em all out there together and let 'em figure it out for their selves"
Oh, so far we ain't had no complaints
Hardly at all, you might say
Well, as your know, my feller
He had a fit about me comin' off over here
You know, he gets worried about me when I leave Grinder's Switch and come over here to Nashville
He does, he worries
He said, "One of these nights
You'll get over there 'round that Grand Ole Opry
And one of them fellers over there'll run off with you"
I wish they would
I just said that 'cause it's so
Naw, he, he said last night, he'd come by the house, and
Oh, you know, it's, it is so romantical
It is late
This is about 8:30 I reckon
And we was sittin' down on the double settee in the front room
And I was sittin' by him and him by me and one by each and each by the other
We was just sittin' there
Oh, it was romantical
Except for one thing
We got a grand big old tall grandfather clock
Stands a way tall against the wall
And it ticks slow
Every time my feller comes over there to keep me company
Sound like that old clock sayin'
"Take your time, take your time"
I oughta get one of them real fast ticky little clocks that goes
"Git together, git together, git together"
Ain't this awful, a grown girl of eighteen up here carryin' on so silly?
He said, "What would you do?"
We was sittin' there just lookin' at one another
Just like two frogs under a collard leaf and it a-raining
He said, "What would you do if you was to get off up there around
Where all them handsome fellers are up there in the city
And run up on a bunch of one of them fast fellers
Them city broke fellers
That'd just kiss you at the drop of a hat?
What would you do?"
I said, "I reckon I'd be all the time droppin' my hat"
I ain't had no trouble yet, I'm still hopin'
Lord, I ain't been kissed in so long
I forgot whether it's done with drawin' in your breath or blowin' it out
That's right now, sure enough
They say kissin' spreads germs
I sure have spent a lot of healthy evenings in my life
We had a party the other night at Grinder's Switch, where I live at
And, and right in the middle of it they started playing a game
Where they drawed a circle in the middle of the floor
And a girl would stand in the middle of the circle
And a feller would either have to kiss her or pay a fine
I made eleven dollars and thirty-four cents
One little boy didn't have no money with him
Said he's pay me come Saturday
But I'd like to take you all with me to Grinder's Switch sometime
Now, I been talkin' about Grinder's Switch for now into twenty years up here
At the Grand Ole Opry
And several folks have asked me about Grinder's Switch
And I'd just love to take you with me
We've got more goin' on down there than you ever seen
River runs every day, train runs once a week
Everything goin' on down there, it's excitin'
Now last week Steve Jones got one of them new fabled oil stoves
And that thing blowed up, blowed Steve and his old lady clean out the top of the roof
First time they'd been out together since they got married
He ain't like Liam Perkins, he takes his wife with him everywhere he goes
I said to him one day, I said
"Liam, you so thoughty
You take your wife with you everywhere you go"
He said, "Yeah, she so ugly I'd rather take her with me than to kiss her goodbye"