Management Consultation

[Spoken: Whipstick, 8 Legz, Shakelous]
Oh, hello guys, come on in
Hey
Yo
Oh, it's the Super Famous Fun Time Guys
Yeah, yeah, that's us
Oh, I'm so excited
That's you, dude
I got great news for you
What's that?
I just got off the phone with Jerry Brisco
Huh?
Who?
After he spoke to Classy Freddie Brassie
Yo, are they- are they alive?
I don't fuckin' think so, dude, fuck
We got the two of you booked
For the Super Fun Time
Saturday wrestling show
At the Quicken Loans Arena
What? Where the fuck is- what?
Where the fucking Cavs play
Hey, that's Cleveland, dude, Cleveland
That's like right up the road
Listen, the two of you are gonna go out there hard
And put over Johnny Hammersticks
Who?
And his tag team partner 2 Tuff Tony Two Nuts
Oh
That does not sound enjoyable
They're gonna come down, three packs of sardines each
Two nuts, huh?
Throwin' 'em at the fucking crowd, stinkin' up the place
What?
Ew
And when your music hits, and the smoke rises
Yeah
What kind of shit is that?
And the laser beams hit the fuckin' eyes of the kids in the front row
Whoa
They're gonna go crazy
That's, like, a lawsuit for an epileptic seizure
They're gonna be so excited
That is, that's-
I cannot wait
I don't wanna be a part of that shit
I literally cannot contain myself right now
Ha! Yeah, it looks like it
You're sweaty as hell
But- uh huh
Yeah, you are fuckin' sweaty as fuck, dude
You got sausages for fingers
So how would this- yeah
How would this be fuckin' lucrative, man?
I'm just sayin'
Like, at all, at all? I don't get it
I don't wanna do this shit, actually
Let me give you the rundown, okay
Alright, alright
Fifty thousand dollars cash
Yo
But
For the next thirty-six months
We're gonna strap the rocket to your ass
That's-
And put you in the main event scene
That's like thirty thousand dollars each, dude
I'm talkin' straight to the top
Over three years
That's like working a regular fuckin' job, dude
What the fuck kinda shit is that?
We're gonna be millionaires
That's not even close to a million
Especially if we have to split it, that's stupid
Listen, we're gonna take you down to Mexico
Yeah
Fly ya up to Germany
Okay
Bring ya around to Japan
Stamp it
Back down to Antarctica
Yeah
What?
And then next year, at fuckin' UPStivan
You're gonna be defendin' the fuckin' tag team championships
Of the world
Against all challengers
Twenty-four hours a day
But
What? What?
Gauntlet match, hardcore rules
No holds barred
When the fuck do I get to sleep?
It's gonna be a fuckin' bloodbath
Jesus
And you're gonna walk out of there
With more fuckin' money
Than you guys possibly know what to do with
Yeah
I'm talkin' golden jet skis
I'm with it
What the fuck?
Fucking piranhas in your fish tank
Come on, man
Gold jet skis! Huh?
More candy than you could possibly fit
Into like ten thousand fuckin' fanny packs
Sold!
I don't like candy
Okay?
Don't like candy
I'm on it
It's gonna be amazing!
Fuck that
Come on
No
No, no, no
It's cool, man, it'll be fine
No, man
It'll be fine!
Fuck this, dude!
You're- no, you're overthinking it
I'm not overthinking shit
It'll be fine
It's not gonna be f---
Come on
I don't wanna do this, man, fuck you
Listen, Legz, you're right, okay?
You guys are out there doin' your fuckin' thing
Yeah?
Yeah, I guess
You're impressin' a lot of people
You're killin' it
All I need is for you to get back in the God damn booth
Finish your album
Ugh
Put it out so the world can hear it
And we're gonna go straight to the top
The top, he says
I don't- heh
Billboard charts, okay?
We might plateu
We're talking Grammy fuckin' nominations
I don't fuckin' believe that for a fuckin' second, dude
Well, I don't really care about that
I don't fucking-
We can go mahogany
What?
They're gonna put both of your faces on Man of the Year, okay?
Both of us, like Caitlyn Jenner
*Laughs* What?
They're gonna split it right down the middle
The two of your fuckin' beautiful mugs
What are we, a freak show?
Right there, on the cover
There's gonna be paintings of you in the Sistine Chapel
When I'm fuckin' done with ya, okay?
Okay
Oh God, I'm fuckin' ready
Are you guys ready?
I don't see it getting that fuckin' big at all
I'm ready
No, fuck this
Are you guys fucking ready?
Legz, get ready
No! No, fuck that
Look, man, I'm a-
Put your hand on my fuckin' hand, right now
Put it- you go first
I'm not touching your fucking hand
And on three
I'm not touching his fucking hand
We say "Super Famous Fun Time Guys"
I'm not touching his fucking hand, no, fuck that
Are ya ready?
No, nope
Okay, let's do this
Dude, I'll put my hand down, it'll be a sweat bump
That don't mean shit, dude
One, two, three
Ugh
Super Famous Fun Time Guys, yeah!
Super Famous Fun Time Guys, yeah!
Yes! Ha! Yeah!
Oh, fuck yeah, bro
Fucking stupid
We're two guys having a super famous fun time
Ah, God, so excited!
I got board games in the car
Let's crack open that bottle of champaign and celebrate, boys
Legz, come on, no, you didn't high five
Oh, it's gonna be amazing
I'm not high fiving, dude, that's the thing
We're gonna high five
No, fuck that
Again, yes
All of us need to high five
Fuck that
Let's do this
It's not real if you don't high five too
I'm not doing it, man
If you don't shake hands
And if you don't-
No, he's sweaty as fuck, dude
I'm just saying that everybody who high fived, we're not gay
God damn it
*clap*
Come on
Fuckin', fine
Okay, let's do this