Santa’s Got A Muthafuckin’ Uzi

[Verse One]
Thank God it's Christmas
Very nice time of year
Adults going overboard
Little kids finding cheer
Beer is on the carpet
Light bills getting high
Ask Jim and Florida
Son, we're just getting by
Getting high
When I heard the doorbell ring
It was Santa in the living room
Stealing my things
Hey fat fucker put my TV down!
He turned around
Took a look at me
And said I'm a clown
I looked down
Seen his little helpers
Looking kinda mad
Though I thought that they were helpless
Said that I was selfish
Didn't wanna build with the God
One jumped up wild
Punched me dead in the jaw
Kicked me in the shin
Then another to the head
I can't believe these muthafuckaz beat up the dread
Punched me in my ribs
Said ho ho ho
Cookies and my egg nog was all on the floor

[Verse Two]
I called up Ak
The brother called right back
Like "What'd you wake me up for?"
Call up Fakts
This fat muthafucka done did it again
And he showed up this time with 2 of his friends
Oh no no
Brother get the gauge
That jolly muthafucka seen the end of his days
We dipped to the North Pole swift and quick
We're gonna hide inside his crib
Then we'll pummel his shit
I've never seen a house so fly and plush
Man Santa's living large with all types of stuff
Big screen TV's
DVD's
Flicks of him down at Fenway with David Ortiz
Acting like he's Boston
Fronting the role
I took a look over at Ak
"Yeah this bitch gotta go"
Santa busted through the door with Bush an Cheney
I ducked behind the couch because those hoes tried to spray me
We're all up in this mission with our 9mm's and shit
But who knew Santa was packing a banana clip?!
Not I
So I tried to relax
We're outmatched
Then I heard a fat shot from Fakts
Down ass Brother caught Bush in the head
Time to make a move Ak
"Is, is, is he dead?"
Brotha what you think?!
Throw the kitchen sink!
I started dumbing out on Cheney
Put some heat in his mink
2 down
1 to go
(Ho ho ho)
Took a look at Santa
He was sniffing some blow
Damn son
Old dude's gripping his lead tight
I guess a little coke must have gotten his head right
Because all we seen is smoke and some light from the barrel
Now we're up in heaven signing Christmas carols
So all you little kiddies just don't say shit!
We made a request
And got our face split
So if you're sitting on his lap and he asks you what you want
You cock back your hammer
Shoot him dead in his ponch
Then jet
Don't look back
Just keep running
And focus on your foot speed
His helpers are coming
So don't sleep on Christmas Eve
Don't snooze G
Because Saint Nick aka Captain Cruelty
Is gonna get his payback and get away smoothly
Usually
Because Santa's got a muthafuckin' Uzi