Plastic Paddy

"Plastic Paddy"
-Eric Bogle

Hup! dee diddle-ee diddle-ee diddle-ee diddle-ee diddle-ee diddle-ee dah
Hup! dee diddle-ee diddle-ee diddle-ee diddle-ee diddle-ee diddle-ee dah
Hup! dee diddle-ee diddle-ee diddle-ee diddle-ee diddle-ee diddle-ee dah
Hup! dee diddle-ee diddle-ee diddle-ee diddle-ee diddle-ee diddle-ee dah
Hup! dee diddle-ee diddle-ee diddle-ee diddle-ee diddle-ee diddle-ee dah

He's just a Plastic Paddy, singin' Plastic Paddy songs
In a Plastic Paddy pub that they call The Blarny Stone
There's plastic shamrocks everywhere, there's Guinness and green beer
And a sign in gaelic above the bar which says "God Bless All Here"

His guitar sounds like a wardrobe, and it's out of tune at that
His singin' voice it ranges from a sharp to a flat
He's just desecrated "The Holy Ground", ripped apart "Black Velvet Band"
Sang some nights drunk and now he's sunk "The Irish Rover" with all hands

'Cause he's just a Plastic Paddy, singin' Plastic Paddy songs
In a Plastic Paddy pub that they call The Blarny Stone
The publican's a proddy Scot by the name of McIntyre
Who does not allow collections for the men behind the wire

He's done awful things to "Molly Malone" and "The Farrows of Tralee"
He's murdered "Carach Fergus" and poor old "Mother Machree"
He's just thrashed his way through "Galway Bay" and "The Wild Irish Rose"

And if he starts singing "Danny Boy", I'm gonna punch him in the nose!

He's just a Plastic Paddy, singin' Plastic Paddy songs
In a Plastic Paddy pub that they call The Blarny Stone
There's Aer Lingus posters everywhere showing pretty Irish scenes
All peaceful and idyllic, and very bloody green!

"When Irish Eyes are Smiling" and "The Mountains of Mourne"
In a central Celtic chiché, the man has left no stone unturned
'Til he embarks upon the harp that once through terraced halls
Accompanying himself on the Bodhrán, which takes a lot of courage

'Cause he's just a Plastic Paddy, singin' Plastic Paddy songs
In a Plastic Paddy pub that they call The Blarny Stone
Now he's just sung in his mother tongue, "The Ancient Irish Curse"
And cleared the pub completely by the forty-second verse!

'Cause he's just a Plastic Paddy, singin' Plastic Paddy songs
He's started singin' "Danny Boy", so it's time that I was gone
And just one thought comes to my mind, as I stagger through the door
Where are you when we need you, Christy Moore?
Where are you when we need you, Christy Moore?