What if?

Intro:
(You know, it's a scary thing when you can't trust yourself. It's really scary. And you can't tell what's real or fake. Sometimes I wonder if anybody else feels the same)

Chorus 1:
I've been so afraid
Knowing what I am
What if I'm a freak?
I don't understand
The things I'm feeling in my head
Maybe I just can't
Maybe I'm a freak
That makes me so sad (You seem mad)

Verse 1:
A lot of people prolly picture me as only violent
But if you see my out in public, yeah, the homies smilin'
Laughing like I'm watching TV, peeped an SNL
But in my head it's been feeling more like a lonely island
I wish I had a yacht that maybe being sad will stop
I could drive away from all thе problems that an adult got
Metaphorically speaking I guеss
But that don't help when I'm deep and depressed (Sleeping obsessed?)

Verse 2:
I put the pillow to my face and hope my life is changing
Thinking back when I was young and things look quite amazing
Posted up in the studio (Remember Chris?)
(You used to be fun) Popping champagne in that bitch when it's the right occassion
Lately all I feel is numb (Numb?)
And maybe that won't ever switch
Maybe it's just who I am (Please don't say that Chris)
I've been kinda getting used to it

Chorus 2:
I've been so afraid
Knowing what I am
What if I'm a freak?
I don't understand
The things I'm feeling in my head
Maybe I just can't
Maybe I'm a freak
That makes me so sad

Outro:
(Hello? Does anybody hear me? There's nobody here)
(Hey)
(Whoa, who are you?)
(I'm just a friend of Chris)
(Really? So am I)
(Hey I'm here too)
(Oh, who are you?)
(I'm.. also a buddy I guess. I think?)
(Cool, he could use some more friends right now. He seems a little lost)