House Cat

One two three four, boom boom boom boom
I'm hanging out in Cleveland in a cozy living room
A panel on the news channel is seething
They're giving that redhead a beating
Going on about "Trump this" and "Trump that"
Fuck all that, don't mean nothing to me
I'm a big ol' fat lazy house cat
Slippin' around the house on my fuzzy paws
I sleep while you humans argue about building walls
And Donald's tweets and Russian hackers
When you're a cat, you get to sleep all day and say "fuck all that"
I'm a house cat so I get to say "fuck all you" and "fuck all that"
I'm a house cat so I get to say "fuck all you" and "fuck all that"
Aw what, now a dam broke in Oroville
Aw fuck, this shit is horrible
Remember that BP gulf coast oil spill?

Gushing gushing gushing gushing gushing gushing gushing
Bubble bubble bubble bubble bubble bubble bubble
Polluting polluting polluting polluting polluting polluting polluting
Dead birds, dead fish, dead plants, and thick black water

People go "Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump
Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump"
I eat my dry food and I go "Crunch crunch crunch
Crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch"
And I jump on the bed, when I jump off my paws go
"Thump thump thump thump thump"
When I find a spot to sit in the sun sun sun sun sun sun
I dream about birds and a feline across the street I'm crushing on
Did that human being just say "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck that Trump"?
Did that human being just say "Put him in prison and give him the bitch bunk"?
Did that human being just say "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck that Trump"?
What comes out of human beings' mouths
Is the same thing that comes out of my cat butt
My voice goes "Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow"
I don't care about your human being bullshit issues
Just give me my cat chow
If you ever want me love, you want me to nap
Then you better turn off that obnoxious talking to the television crap

You used to be a really sweet cat [?] pat
Now you're always pointing fingers
Saying some asshole did this and some asshole did that
I'm an old house cat and I'm wiser than you
Trump's gonna build a wall like I'm gonna fly to the moon
And Cleveland will still be here in 2032
And there will still be demand for dry and wet Purina cat food
And your phone will be archaic and you'll still be getting fooled
Into buying the latest gizmos like you always do

I'm a cat and I'm easy, just give me a treat or two
And I'll be real real nice to you
That's good for me and all
I'll find that spot in the sun and I'll stretch my paws and I'll roll over
You give me a nice scratch and a nice little belly rub
And you get on your stomach and I'll get on
And I'll give you a nice shoulder rub
I'm a lot of use to you, it's good to have me around
You gaze into my eyes and your blood pressure goes down
And I'm here for you when your friends can't be found
I'm here for you on Valentine's Day
Keeping your wife company while you're out of town
I lay beside you when you are down
I make you giggle when you are frowning
You go to work, and you give me my water and my dry food
And the mailman comes by knocking like he always does, boom boom boom boom
I could care less what he has to deliver
It's never for me, it doesn't fit my job description
I'm a cat, not your secretary mister mister
I don't care about the United States' relations with Moscow
Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow
I don't know why you humans even stick around, you're always complaining
And you kiss your boss' ass until your nose turns brown
Why don't you just jump into the ocean at the same time and drown?
All you do is stare at your computer and watch cat videos on YouTube

And if it's Christmas time and you ain't got no lovin'
Snuggle up next to my fluff fluff fluffin'
And if it's your birthday and you ain't got no lovin'
There's lots of fluff fluff fluff fluff fluffin'
And if it's Friday night and you ain't got no lovin'
Just squeeze me, I'm soft as a muff muff muff muff muffin
If it's Saturday night and you ain't got no lovin'
Just squeeze me, I'm full of stuffin'