I don’t know

I don't know what I even want
I don't know why I'm so withdrawn
I don't know what I'm working on
I don't know where myself has gone
I lost all of my special bonds
When's the last time that I've felt fond?
I can't think of a fair response
Overwhelmed trying to resond
When is therapy ever done?
I remember when it begun
Did the psychiatrics a ton
Nothing's helping in the long run
Repetition goes on and on
I can't wait till the end of dawn
All my rants end up way too long
I can't wait till the end of song

I don't know what more I can say
I can't make a thing go my way
Tell me what's the point tryna stay
If I go on you'll go away
Why's my life a dramatic play?
What's the reason I stopped to pray?
Why did young me get used to blades?
I think someday I might just break
All the joy in my life decays
I lost count on my thrown out days
How I wish it was just a phase
How I wish I could just rephrase
All the time I'm being persuade
Am I in control of my fate?
All the help & treatments I've payed
I can't think, I can't contemplate

I don't know how much more I've got
What is good for me, what is not?
I need help right now on the spot
Tried myself but I overthought
I got plenty options, a lot
So much I forgot my own plot
Always failing to shoot my shot
Guess I'll go to my bed and rot
Everything negative is mine
No intend, yet I amplify
Never stop to pretend it's fine
Not on purpose or justified
I know I shouldn't stop to try
But I can't really stop to cry
I know I shouldn't wish to die
Think of all the good things denied