How to Rob a Bank

Some say I'll need a driver, a Nixon mask and gun
But let me tell you brothers and sisters that's not how you get a bank job done
You can't walk in there brazen with an Uzi like Patty Hearst
I'm gonna secure myself a seat on the board of directors first
That's how you rob a bank

I'll get some decent suits and a bogus business plan
Become well-versed in the etiquette of Wall Street Disney Land
Hit the country clubs eating peanuts and drinking Scotch
I'll talk the recent trends and fart into a velvet couch
That's how you rob a bank

I'll get a foundation to give me thanks
I'll give my congressman a wank
Apologize for all I drank when I pulled that goldfish from the tank
And gave those debutantes a spank
That's how you rob a bank

Then I'll cry to congress that I just can't survive
After giving loans to folks for homes they can't afford to buy
And building useless cars that no one wants to buy
Then I'll threaten massive lay-offs just like blackmail in disguise
That's how you rob a bank

My family won't judge me
They'll accept the gifts I send
Even though it's not my money, that doesn't mean I shouldn't spend
As the dough piles up like snow in Switzerland
I'll smile as the Feds come take me in

And with an army of lawyers I'll soon outflank
And spin the tale of how my ship sank
I'll get my bonus and give my thanks
That's how you rob a bank

I'll say truth in lending is a two-way street
Wall Street put the fire to my feet
The SEC never even took a peek
Blame it all on unchecked greed in a time of war
That's how you rob a bank