Orientation

[Intro: Narrator]
Veridian Dynamics. We're a family, just like yours. But we don't waste our time throwing leaves around. We put our family to work. We mean real work. Not just eating mush. Our Veridian Dynamic family works for every member of your family. Even the dead ones. And we're working to bring them back and copy them, in case you lose them again. We love our family, which is why we work nights, weekends, and major holidays, because that's when families should be together. Families. Yay

Hi. welcome to the family
You're here for minimum wage in exchange for your sanity
And take orders from tyrants who are stripped of all humanity
Just do your job and keep fueling your boss's vanity
Are there any questions?

Uh, yeah
Will you guys screw me on availability?
I have class in the evening and I'd like to have the energy
To stay awake in class, and even have time to study
But it's fine either way, cause I desperately need the money

Good question. Our policy is: "fuck you in the mouth."
If you need to change your schedule just give your boss a shout
He'll blatantly dismiss it, show his ass for you to kiss it
And say, "fuck you and your class, and hope to god you miss it."

Kind of figured. I was thinking I should leave this gig alone
But the job market is crappy and I still have student loans
So forget it. Right before work I'll just get really stoned
To deal with the thought that I'll probably always be a drone

Welcome, all and say goodbye to your goals!
You're here to answer phones while we harvest all your souls!
There's a Lovecraftian demon trained to rape and eat it whole!
Hope you love getting screwed and taking very little home!

Uh, pardon
Is there a chance I'll pick up slack for my manager's mistakes
With no credit, no bonus, just a dick slap to the face?

Ah, good question, and yes oh and if you want respect
You'll have to be a male or have a distracting chest
If you want to pass time we have knives in the breakroom
To stab your co-workers in the back at your convenience
When your manager's around be sure to act like he's a genius
If that doesn't work then play tonsil hockey with his penis
Yes, it'll be bleak. You'll pray to die in your sleep
And casual Fridays will be the highlights of your week
And yes, you'll feel like a caged monkey at the zoo
But somebody's got to do it, it might as well be...you