Words written over coffee

Pages filled cover the floor all covered up with ink
Words written over coffee document my struggling
Those mornings spent sitting alone mourning alone in grief
For all I killed in search of honesty

See I used to be a mustard seed shouting at the mountain
I used to hang my head when it stayed far from the ocean
I used to claim its failure and from the depths of depression
I cried to god but god did not respond

Like a barrel chested strongman I suspended disbelief
I held it high over my head though all the weight was staggering
But legs buckled and muscles burned, in came gravity
I dropped it all, faced what I'd been avoiding

For many years I walked that road, for many years I tried
So earnestly I sought the relationship advertised
But my empty hands, my empty heart, could no longer be denied
Yeah I quit, I forfeit eternal life

I did not take inheritance when I left to go away
I did what was commanded when that rich man asked to be saved
I left my friends my family behind all for heaven's sake
I am no prodigal and this is no mistake

So I'm sorry mom I'm sorry dad, I really want you to be proud
Don't want to disappoint you all, don't want to let you down
But I have stopped searching for truth hiding behind heaven's cloud
Don't save my place, of this race I do bow out