Feelings

[Spoken Word]

Feelings
I found myself in a place of sorrow
I found myself in a place of grief
And at first, I didn’t have language for it
All I know was something was off
And I couldn’t trace it back to any misstep I took
I couldn’t trace it back to, anything that I've done
That was like a consequence
I was just, my emotions were just
I had feelings, I was feeling a lot
Whether it was pandemic stuff
Something I never even knew could happen
Or whether it was relational stuff that was just not working out
Friendships not ending, friendships not ending well
It was just my own personal brokenness
Turmoil, inner, internal battle
I just had feelings, still have feelings
And what I realized is that
There is a place in feelings where you can honor the Lord
Where I can have these feelings
And He's not in heaven
Like hey, get out of that
Get out of those feelings, don't feel that
He's not rushing me to get to a place that I'm not
But He's, He's not just in heaven but He's sitting with me
And in, in my tears, in my fear, in my confusion, in my frustration, in my questions
He's siting here, present with me
And I've realized and I've learnt something about Him, in my feelings
That I may not have learned in this period per se
I learned something about Him
Being the God of my emotions
The One who created me
That I may not have learned had I not been in this place
I’ve learned how to suffer with Him
I think a lot of times before in my life I've
Slipped into depression easier
And slipped into a worldly grief easier
Because I've tried to suffer without Him
But I've learned how to suffer with Him after this process
I haven't been able to pray like I used to
I've learned how to suffer with Him
A fellowship, join Him in the fellowship of His suffering
And that’s what this album is, hat’s what these songs are
My process of lament
My process of suffering with Him
Being able to feel my feelings, but not lean on them
Father, I thank You for allowing me to have feelings