Don’t Nobody Move (This Is a Heist)

Well, I was in this
Police station
Being booked for
Garlic breath
In the corner was a cripple
They was kicking him to death
From a cell somewhere I heard
This woman scream
"You're hurting me""
On the wall there was
This poster
"Holy name society"...
Oh --
I was in this courtroom
Cause I had a fight
With my own wife
Law 'n order was so thick
You could cut it with a knife
While this landlord
Made a pay-off so they'd
De-control his slum
Hizzoner told
Some Puerto Rican
"In my court you don't
Chew gum"
Oh --
Don't nobody move
This is a heist
Don't nobody move
This is a heist
Well, she was standing on the
Corner
When this dude asked her
The price
She said “me?" he said
"Take it --
Buy yourself something nice"
Soon as he got off
'N while she still was
Squatting on her heels
He produced
A pair of handcuffs
An' a very shiny shield
Oh --
They was towing me away
Cause I don't have
Diplomat plates
While this diplomat I know
Is smuggling "H"
Into the states
I said "lemmee have
The ticket 'n the car –
Save me a trip"
So they hauled me in
For giving them
Some Noo Yawk lefty lip
Oh –
Don't nobody move
This is a heist
Don't nobody move
This is a heist
I was underneath my dresser
Just in case of sneak attack
When this television
Quiz show called
To ask where I was at
I said "I'm underneath
My dresser --
An' they're
Pounding on my door"
The audience went wild
'N the emcee said
"Would you like
To try for more?"
Yes--
Yes I would!
Well, I was driving down
The highway
An' I did not have the toll
So they gave me
The electric chair
(Cured my cold)
Well, I woke up feeling
Hungry and I asked for
Something hot
So they gave me
The electric chair again
'N then they had me shot...
Oh --