I Don’t Wanna Be a Homosexual

[Dialogue from "Female Trouble," between Edith Massey and Michael Potter]
[Aunt Ida Nelson:] "Have you met any nice boys in the salon?"
[Gator:] "Oh, pretty nice."
[Aunt Ida:] "I mean any nice queer boys. Did you fool with any of them?"
[Gator:] "Aunt Ida, you know I dig women."
[Aunt Ida:] "Aw, don't tell me that."
[Gator:] "Christ, let's not go through this again."
[Aunt Ida:] "All those beauticians, and you don't have any boy dates?"
[Gator:] "I don't want any boy dates."
[Aunt Ida:] "Oh honey, I'd be so happy if you turned nelly."
[Gator:] "Hey, no way. I'm straight. I mean I like a lot of queers, but I don't dig their equipment, y'know? I like women."
[Aunt Ida:] "But you can change. Queers are just better. I'd be so proud if you was a fag, and had a nice beautician boyfriend. I'd never have to worry."
[Gator:] "There ain't nothing to worry about."
[Aunt Ida:] "I'm worried that you'll work in an office, get married, have children, celebrate wedding anniversaries. The world of heterosexuals is a sick and boring life."
[Gator:] "Sometimes I think you're fucking crazy. I'm real happy just the way I am."

[Verse 1]
People are telling me
That I'm missing out on the fun
'Cause I don't go anywhere
And I don't meet anyone
But I know how rumors fly
When you're a lonely guy
And I'm here to tell you it's a lie

[Verse 2]
There's strange things going on
At night most everywhere
You know those places well
And you've never seen me there
I walk by other men
And I don't notice them
But then those rumors start again

[Chorus]
So I'm gonna tell the world
I don't wanna be a homosexual
I'm gonna find a girl
'Cause I don't wanna be a homosexual
I guess that it's okay
If other guys are gay
But my hormones are one-directional
And I don't wanna be a homosexual

[Verse 3]
Somebody tell me what I did to start this talk
Is it the way I look, is it the way I walk?
Is it the clothes I wear
That make the people stare?
Is it the way I comb my hair?

[Verse 4]
I'm only hoping maybe there will come a day
When I can make them understand that I'm not gay
But till that day is here
I guess I'll live in fear
And I curse the day I pierced my ear

[Chorus]
There's nothing wrong with me
I don't wanna be a homosexual
Know what I want to be
And I don't wanna be a homosexual
Soft boys and closet queens
Think Judy Garland's keen
But I don't think she's nothing special
And I don't wanna be a homosexual

[Guitar Solo]

[Verse 5]
So now I'm wondering if maybe they're not right
I've gone all paranoid and I can't sleep at night
I went to see the shrink
What did the doctor think?
I swear to God I saw him wink

[Chorus]
I pray that I am wrong
I don't wanna be a homosexual
Why did I write this song
If I don't wanna be a homosexual?
I hope it's not too late
For them to set me straight
I'm gonna see a real professional
'Cause I don't wanna be a homosexual

[Outro]
No
No, no, no, no
No, no, no, no, no
No, no, no, no, no, no

I don't wanna be
I don't wanna be
I don't wanna be a homosexual

I don't wanna go with guys named Seamus
I don't wanna be rich and famous
I don't wanna go to a French art festival
I don't wannt be a homosexual

I guess that it's okay
If other guys are gay