If I Can’t Sell It, I’ll Keep Sittin’ on It

I own a secondhand furniture store
And I think my prices are fair
That is until this real cheap guy I know came in one day
Saw this chair he wanted to buy, but he wouldn't, claimed the price was too high
So I looked 'im straight in the eye, and this was my reply...
If I can't sell it, I'm gonna sit down on it
Why should I give it away?
Now darling if you want it
You got to buy it
And I mean just what I say
Now how would you like to find this
Waitin at home for you every night
Only been used once or twice
And it's still nice and TIGHT!
Whoa...
But if I can't sell it
I'm gonna keep sittin on it
I don't see the need
To give it away
Now you can't find a better pair of legs in town
And a back like this, huh, not for miles around
And that is why if I can't sell it
I'm going to recline upon it
Why should I give it away?
Because it's made for comfort
Built for wear and tear
Where else could you find
Such an easy chair!
Haa... Whoa...
If I can't sell it
I'm gonna remain seated on it
I ain't about to give it away
Because it's lush, plush, slick and sleak
Darling, a high class piece like this
At any price
Is cheap!
So if I can't sell it
I'm a remain seated on it
I don't see the need to give it away
Now look at this nice bottom
Ain't it easy on the eye
Guaranteed to support any weight or size!
If I can't sell it, I'm gonna sit down on it
I ain't about to give it away
Now, I have really had my fill
Of folks always comin around
With their hands stuck out
Want something
Don't want to give up nothing
Now if you want this
Put your hand in your stash
And give me some cash
If you want something for free
Go to the Salvation Army
Don't come to me
Now this is not Saint Vincent de Paul's place
This is Ruth's place
Read my lips
NO FREE TRIPS!
---
.