World War I Origins

[Verse 1: Gavrilo Princip]
Yo, your fatty Franz Ferdinand didn't see Princip's pistol
Too busy guzzling his tenth wiener schnitzel
Popped a cap in his ass for my Black Hand brothers
Shave off that 'tache, it's bigger than your mother's!
Now just like your bald head you ain't got no heir
I spit rhyme as your empire decline
Have you any notion of united Slav nation?
You catch my drift or do you want a translation?
Serbia got friends, yo! Russia's our homie
Think we're scared? Here's two words for you:
Blow me!

[Verse 2: Franz Josef]
You want a war, Gav? We bring the pain, Slav
Blood spilt in Sarajevo gonna cause a blood bath, yo!
Russians, Mongols, Turks, my bitches
Best watch out 'cos my trigger finger itches
You're tiresome, you're irksome
Like a Slavic Jeremy Clarkson

[Gavrilo Princip]
Huh? Who the hell is that?

[King George V]
Nothing to do with us

[Verse 3: Franz Josef]
Back to the story, the story of doom
For poor tiny Serbia's about to go boom!
You hear me, assassin? Our troops are massin'
Get ready for the bombing, the shootin', the gassin'
Here is the deal yo! Shit just got real yo!
You'll be crushed under Austro-Hungary's heel yo!
I'll kick you in the Balkans and degrade Belgrade
Even if those Russians are rushin' to your aid

[Tsar Nicholas II]
You think so?

[Franz Josef]
Oh crap!

[Verse 4: Tsar Nicholas II]
Back up Franz Josef, Serbia's our brethren
Same blood, same religion, same Slavic complexion
We're packing more army than you got salami
So stop your bragging, your trolling
Or the Cossack pain train starts rolling
Last time you kicked off I sweat revolution
This time my solution is your dissolution
Beware the Russian Bear

[Kaiser Wilhelm II]
Everyone knows me, ja?
The Kaiser, ja? Coo-ee!

[Verse 5: Kaiser Wilhelm II]
I'm Kaiser Wilhelm II, the first was a gas
But like the Godfather, the sequel kicks ass
Got clowns to the west of me and jokers to the east
But Austro-Hungary's my mate
Gonna eradicate the Serbian beast
So back off Cousin Nick, don't take the mick
And tell your mates France not to interfere
This ain't no prance, it's a German war dance!

[Verse 6: King George V]
Chill out cousin Willy, stop acting so silly
You be tripping by flipping the bird willy-nilly
The armies of the triple entente — mighty
Russia, France, and this bitch — Blighty
Your rhymes are a shambles, your words are a gamble
You're taking an enormous punt
No wonder my homies and yours too
Think you're a massive... difficult chap
Your territorial ambition puts us in this position
So go ahead, cuz, rant and rave
Your plans will be sunk like your floating junk
Royal Britannia rules the waves

[Verse 7: Kaiser Wilhelm II]
Empire braggarts, you hate the French
And their snail-sucking, frog-cooking garlic stench
As for your dreadnoughts, wave them goodbye
I'll make your navy into gravy for sauerkraut pie
Gonna send my thugs through Belgium into France
Nothing can stop this Teutonic advance
Germany will rise again like the past
A glorious empire built to last
Let me tell you, this ain't no mystery
Wilhelm the Great will go down in history!

[Verse 8: King George V]
Wilhelm the Great? More like Billy no mates
Your ideas are absurd, we gave Belgium our word
We've got no choice if you won't behave
Our poor old grandma must be spinning in her grave

[Tsar Nicholas II, Kaiser Wilhelm II and King George V]
Granny

[Verse 9: Kaiser Wihelm II]
Look into my eyes! You see compromise?
Your collective demise will see our rise!
I can't back down now, I'll look a clown now
Ain't shit that can stop this countdown now!

[Kaiser Wilhelm II]
I'm going for a lie down now