Carter Deems vs Head I.C.E

[Round 1: Carter Deems]
Yo, in your battle against that one guy
You said that one thing and it was really dumb
I make him go really dumb for talking slick when I put that metal in his mouth, now that's a silver tongue
You started battle rapping at the age of 51
Back when you were really young
I don't act like I carry a silly gun but my girl does and She Bang like William Hung
That picture in my living room? That's the one that William hung
Crazy with the hands I got silly thumbs
I don't kill a ton but I move weight by the kiloton
Just wait til my shipments come, this butt head been a bum
Catch me in the kitchen whipping up sticky buns
Your favorite Pokemon is Lickitung
I make him stop motion like Chicken Run
My mom beat you in a footrace, that chick can run
Just cause you grip the heat doesn't mean you're more real than me
It just means that we have fun on Friday nights very differently
I like to hand paint ornaments from my Christmas tree
And I enjoy the mystery of seeing what Santa decided to get for me
But you spend Christmas week
Trying to get people underneath the mistletoe so you can make your fist kiss their teeth
Neither way is right or wrong, we're just different, see?
I seek inner peace by sipping tea like my skin is green
But then I hit the streets...to trick or treat
With my friends, with the hope that they'll finally share their Twix with me
You seek serenity by going on a killing spree
And punching the first kid you see wearing skinny jeans
As you head outside to race limousines
Seems pretty legit to me
But we're not enemies
We can do friendly things
You can watch season 3 of Friends with me
And I'll even let you have the password to my Netflix for free
We can garden together
I'll trim the weeds and plant all types of different seeds
And in the spring, I'll go with you to see your grandson play little league
We'll have a ball...literally
My car the same color that citrus be
I call it a "lemon drop"
Bend the block in that wide body trunk so big I get followed by Sir Mix-A-Lot
My whip is hot
It's like when I lost my baseball cards, that's missing Topps
Leave him with missing tops, red dot, itchy trigger finger, give 'em all chicken pox
My favorite type of pie? Chicken pot
I own 50 Glocks and the calicoes shoot bullets the same size as a litter box
You'll see defeat like my missing socks
It'll be a clean sweep, I own three Swiffer mops
Lick a shot, then get your chick in the Coupe faster Fantastic Mr. Fox
Yo, listen pops
I'll hit him so hard it'll split my hands like Mr. Spock
Keep acting like what you spit is hot and that'll get Ice creamed in the future like Dippin Dots

[Round 1: Head I.C.E.]
I'm a legend to the vets
I even main event perform for all the rookies
And all you pussy
And I been giving you niggas the messages like fortune cookies, nigga
Piff in the Swisher stick, pick a rhythm
I'm like Swiss and Kiss, I'll air you
Pick a beat, and watch me weave through a track like your bitches hair do
How I'm looking king?
Oh that's just royalties
You getting signed? Bow, now you blind
And The Wolf running off with all your royalties
You looking to sue?
Well, we done gave Surf all the money for his lawyer fees
I'm the King Of The Dot
When Rone, see me, he tuck in his chain
Shit ain't gon' be the same for Carter Deems
I should be going platinum in a week
S Dot, Carter 3, but instead I got a Martin King
Kids with they darkest dreams and be they leadership
Cause they'll never see this shit in Carter Deems
You good for a joke but stand up
If they let the dogs out to play your cat ass gon' cram up
Let's keep it G
If I'm in your house, your family gon' feel uncomfortable
Not cause I'm black and my size
Your family gon' feel uncomfortable because I'm black and my size
That's not a joke
And that outfit, yo' daddy wore when he rape you and your cousin was a costume
It was not the pope
Laugh now
I used to spit spitballs and pop rubber bands at class clowns
Snatches, gimmie mines, wedgies, show yo' ass now
You the water boy
Players can't even trust you with the water boy
You been came out the closet
Now you trying to scare us by busting out the wall, the boy?
Stop playing kid games, before you miss a piece, like one of my kids game
Then I hide the gun like some friends of my kids came
I'm with the shit
Yeah, you should avoid death
Some of my wolves embrace it as a joy, yes
So that murder weapon can be that Willie Mays bat from out your toy chest
My mind be thinking, how it feel on the inside of a thick bitch
Yo' mind be thinking, "My next battle, I hope Joe Cutter show up so we can share this box of chitlins
In your back pocket you pull out fish sticks
Your left jacket pocket got lipstick
Your right jacket pocket got biscuits
They laughing cause they know your art
I'm rapping to expose your heart
Fuck a flea market, this should've been in the meat market
Cause you was food from the start
Now give me something to laugh at
Crack me up
Cause off crack, we up
But you don't know nothing about that re-up so we gon' look past that
But yo' aunt, she can pump diesel for me
Your sister? She can test needles for me
You got a brother? He look anything like Joe Cutter
Then he can sneak into a biker club and kill people for me
I'm with the shit
My mom said I got my pop's eyes
And when people look in 'em
They instantly take an order instead of giving one like pot pies
Any sign of disrespect could possibly lead to a pedestrian death like missing a stop sign
I be speeding
But I'm in the right lane that's what got me here
Plane seats got the driver side feeling just as good as granny rocking chair
Ho, ho, ho I ain't talking Santa's lap
If I send you a gift after I light the tree, your whole family wrapped nigga
Bomb threat, Glock 26, extensions look like the leg on a Vietnam vet
Cut the war stories
You can't DVR this drama
So much blood in your mouth, only your family will do CPR to revive ya
Taste the love nigga

[Round 2: Carter Deems]
Let's get back to these real bars
Yo I'm spitting so much fire we don't even need heat in this place
I'm running the streets at a pace where you'd get beat in a race
But before we go forward be honest, are you gonna punch me in the face?
You're a very graceful man
He usually has three women feeding him grapes
While he takes three other women simultaneously on amazing dates
Believe me he's great
You'll see it's fate
Our friendship's written in the stars
So understand if you're needing your space
But for real though, are you gonna punch me?
For real, let me know if you're gon' hit me
Let me know even if you're so-so or iffy
I was just kidding about you being over 50
I tried to pick some girls up earlier and so far I'm O for 50
And those girls weren't even remotely pretty
So maybe you should punch me in the face so at least I can invoke some pity
You sleep on a futon
That's why your back and neck's weak
I'm feeling so well rested I won't have to sleep again til next week
Decorative pillows, cover slips, comforters, my bed's neat
That's why I get the best sleep
I'm not making this up I Excel every time I spread sheets
You'll get crossed for sleeping on the kid, that's plaid pajamas
Your favorite Wu-Tang member? That's Cappadonna
I'll grab the blocka, bring John John in show you how to cap a Don...uh
Yo badge of honor
I get followed by the police but I lose the tail like an attacked iguana
You test the dude it's petting zoo
You act sheepish around the goat (GOAT) and I'll pack a (alpaca) Llama
My car the same as my bunk bed, I don't like the top
The only time that I.C.E. is hot is when he wears Icy Hot
He pulls his thighs a lot
You looking stupid boss that's Michael Scott
It's just another day at The Office when the rifle pop
That'll put a spring in his step like Nike Shox
Yo, I'm the hottest cat in this (Katniss) and I'm not talking bout Mocking Jay
I'll swallow a lady's wedding ring and throw the diamond up like I'm mocking Jay
Dame threw the Roc away, not sure how much that rock will weigh
When my cat starts snoring I make her turnover like I threw the rock away
I make her lean back, I got a lean back that's why I walk in a very awkward way
You have a very disrespectful disposition towards women, that's misogyny
You have arthritis so please let me know if you want me to massage your knee
Oh, you wanna box with me?
Well I can hit him in the back like Apollo Creed
But this cat's back, not something that my cat massagers need

[Round 2: Head I.C.E.]
I said, eh try not to swallow your tongue in this motherfucking battle
You hear me chump?
Cause the way shit looking, now-a-days they'll charge me for that murder, you hear me Trump?
This a rapper who catch real bodies, vers'
A nigga who believe what they saying about Bill Cosby
Is you serious O?
I thought Avacado and Pro would know they limits
Instead they put a Wolf vers' a nigga who'll wear a shirt with four beige cats
And on the back say "OJ did it."
I ain't got time for this shit
Stop hiding the chain before I rob something
And stop putting me against niggas who look like old school cops that locked up the mob or something
I'm in the streets for real
And I keep the steel
If Carter Deems just pop up, how I'ma tell my peeps to chill?
And some of them will prolly take off cause they think he got a gun and the badge and they keep the steel
But once they realize he ain't a cop, or coming to cop
They next option is to keep him still
Til I send my young Wolf to get the ransom money from your mother and father
And we keep him...still
That's my type
So find me a rapper who talk my talk and we can climb heights
Til then, this just feel like me walking in the gym
And letting all the cameras take pictures of me
Cause I'm the one in the lime light
Mayweather
Wait til you see what I do to that boy in May weather
And this is April
I wish I was fooling you niggas but this ain't the first of the month
Besides, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony song was way better
It's the first of the month, wake up, wake up
You computer smart, I just come put ER's (computer) to work
Street knowledge
Don't compare us
He on the web, I'm the spider sitting in the middle seat
Talking to these so called baller nigga's bitches; John Salley nigga
I like revolvers I can pop shit trying to pick up and find the shell that dream's a nightmare
But them sixteens is hotter than an ovio[?] dis
Oh you can thank drizzy for that hotline
Chris breezy for the dance moves, anyway
You a letter in a bottle type of spitter
I'ma tell loaded lux so what you battled him
Go do a song with hollow type of nigga
Spring breaker coffee maker
Move and shaker gentleman and gangster
Miley cyrus play with polly pockets
Me? The rapper who put fear in Iron Solomon
With seven bad bitches willing to love and fuck me, I am Solomon nigga
I would left hook lacy this nigga to the past tense
Then uppercut this chump til he have a giraffe neck
Then alley oop slam dunk his head into a trash bin
Off the half step nigga
Lotta people thought I wasn't gonna have an angle for you, I've been telling 'em
"This battle is stopping his moms from making him have a yard sale on the balcony."
I'm expecting a "thank you" from him
But you can keep it of course
Then again you can thank me by coming with me to book people like the cheapest resorts
I'll play the Grim Reaper
You just wear those sneakers and they'll think we need the support nigga, yeah
Ice, fuck it

[Round 3: Carter Deems]
With you we really know that the gats aren't clapping
I brought the tools to cut him off at the same time he was rapping
I'm just a silver tongue stud who wears a silver tongue stud
My dad will be 61 in a month but to you he's still a young blood
I can call you an irrelevant has been but I have respect for your passion
You've seen deadly assassins like The Predator tracking
You had the weapon attached and drew/Andrew like President Jackson
You got the pockets full of president Jacksons
You got the president stacking but I'm 'bout to take it all away
You can call me Young Federal Taxes
I know you've seen things that I could never imagine
I'm not here to debate whether it happened
But we're not here to see who's seen the most murders we're here to see who's better at rapping
...Which is also you
Props are prolly due that's the honest truth
If we battled on top of the building I would've already jumped off the roof
My car? It's off the roof
What are you doing later?
Cause I already called ahead and got a booth at a Jamba Juice
And don't worry about what it's costing you I got a lot of loot
I don't know what your favorite flavor is but don't worry they got all the fruits
My car is the same color as Steve Harvey's suit
That's red, orange and blue
I know big dogs that's Marmaduke
I also know tiny puppies that will hardly bark at you
You call it a gang? I call it a slightly larger group
I'm shining like a sparkly tooth
You can catch me with my family at a barbecue
Cause I stay with my kin (Ken) like Barbie do
Yo, I found a cute kitten behind a dumpster, she was a stray like that
I'm a responsible cat dad, so I got her spayed like that
I know that you hate my cats
You wanna scrap well I may fight back
I'm never scared, but I did come prepared
Just in case you hit me in the face like that
Look, cause I know you punching a lot, running the block
Dumping the Glocks
But I can cook a Lean Cuisine just by looking at the picture on the front of the box
Pop-corn, Bagel Bites, Pizza Rolls and all types of microwavable foods
I'm crazy my dude
The box said to cook it in three minutes but I made it in two
And it was amazing to chew
I'm not afraid of you
I'm wild and crazy dude
When I was maybe two I ate an entire Baby Ruth and I only had one baby tooth
I hated baby food, I'm not here to play with you so don't get it twisted like your ankle do
You wanna start something and change the mood
Well I'll slide to the side of the beef like a staple food
I'm really eating off my paper, that's staple food
I ate a hot dog when I saw the Lakers, that's Staples food
You can catch me in the dance club doing crazy moves
But lifting the beams the only time I raise the roof
Look, when it comes to hustling I outrun this geezer
The kid gon' pop like Justin Bieber
You're just a soft dude who'll never be real like his fam', that's Cousin Skeeter, look
When cheese pops it's beat box, every time he dumps the heater
But when I grab the chopper it makes me {starts shaking} like I'm having another seizure

[Round 3: Head I.C.E.]
I said the freaks come out at night
The freaks come out at night
You look like the kid from Freddy Kruger 1 that fell asleep and got pulled into the bed
He ain't even understand what I said
I said, "You look and like the kid from Freddy Kruger 1
You wanted to fall asleep and pull him in your bed, nigga."
I don't even feel comfortable calling you a fruitcake
I prefer egg salad
Cause I'm convinced if an egg had arms and a leg, with a dick, you would toss an egg salad nigga
I should throw 16 bags of tarter sauce at your fishy ass
Non-stop
Like a black trying to catch a gypsy cab
I'm Carl Froch
Fuck a label, I sell it myself to get the cash and you'se a girl
Watch your motherfucking mouth 'fore I beat yo'...nah
Any reference to a body part to you is a gay bar, look at you
Running your fingers through your hair
Giving me that funny ass look you be giving other guys when you trying to scoop 'em in a gay bar
Well Carter Deems
The only Tony/Toni and a Caesar I'm looking to fuck, is related to Tamar
You let Joe Cutter throat stuff ya
You only let that monster out the bag so you could suck him back in one like Ghostbusters
You said you and your daddy be watching the battles and shit when they dropping them shit, right?

[Carter Deems]
Yeah

[Head I.C.E.]
Aight, cool
Yo, old fart!
I'ma need you to sit up straight and put this new shit in your old heart
It's gon' hurt like them sores on yo' ass you gotta sit and deal with
So you can take this like your last Viagra pill cause your wife still ain't gon' feel shit
While you pitching a fit, your little brother you in them pictures with
Is the first man who signed his name on your son ass you pencil dick
So I'ma need you to stop hating on blacks or getting your friends to vote for Trump
Or watching rodeo for a month
And go get that bitch
Your moms still ride around in them mini vans? Huh?
I duct tape her
She ever get gassed by us
They be using this last flyer as her fund raiser, nigga
You on death row
Your last words will be a joke probably
Til they finish with the gassing and you realize the last laugh is you a nobody nigga
He Neil Armstrong, he seeing the first alien
Y'all ain't catch that huh?
I said, "He's Neil Armstrong, he's seeing the first L he's in."
Off duty cop in a Dunkin Donut ordering shit you can only get from Krispy Kremes
He don't know what jail he (jelly) in
This my home, you in a no fly zone
You want to see the bigger picture?
Well I turn a gun to the side like a iPhone nigga
Oh that ain't youtube for niggas
But I will shoot you and take you to a doctor like, "You tube the nigga."
Ice