The Gasman Cometh: A Ballad of Unending Domestic Upheaval (It All Makes Work for the Working Man to Do)

[FLANDERS, spoken]
Thank you very much, good evening. May I introduce, at the piano, the very distinguished pianist, composer, and linguist, the Enid Blyton of English light music: Donald Swann

[SWANN, spoken]
Thank you, good evening

[FLANDERS, spoken]
I must be Michael Flanders, obviously. We write songs; I write the words, Swann here writes the music. We wrote these songs originally for other people to sing, which they did, not nearly enough. And so, a few years ago we began to sing and talk about them ourselves, and that is what we are here to do tonight. We've been wandering around all over the place since we saw you last. We went to America, New York, we spent two dreadful- delightful years in America entertaining the Americans, whose need, let's face it, is greater even than years. And then, of course, when we're over there we say that the other way around. We went to Canada, and we were in Switzerland, which was quite interesting too. They didn't understand a word, but they loved it. It was very interesting to see the homeland of so many great English actors. This year we've been touring England's depressed areas, and may I say what a pleasure it's been to be here in London, my goodness, it is, isn't it? Hmm?

[SWANN, spoken]
I think so! I concur with every word you say!

[FLANDERS, spoken]
I must say, wandering around-he's trying to get his bit in-wandering around things have come to a pretty... underpass here in England, while we've been to away. It's no wonder to us that satire squats, hoof in mouth, under every bush. The purpose of satire, it has been rightly said, is to strip off the veneer of comforting illusion and cozy half-truth, and our job, as I see it, is to put it back again. Thank you

With this in mind, we offer you some more of our respectable songs for responsible people, under the title of "At the Drop of-

[SWANN, spoken]
Another!

[FLANDERS, spoken]
-Hat." Well done! You got it there, bang on, marvelously. Well don't you say I never let you get a word in, will you. A word in edgewise, like a slice of fish. I think we're all assembled here, double bookings all sorted out, so let's start with the first song
This is a sort of a test piece, it doesn't count, as usual. Swann has moved since we saw him last. As some of you will know, he used to live in Prince Of Wales Drive, Battersea. But since he became a great star, he thought this wasn't really very suitable. He now lives in Albert Bridge Road, Battersea. Not that it matters very much where you live south of the river now, because as you know, under the new London plan, they're lumping all those areas together. They're going to call them Brighton. I still live in what is, I believe, soon going to be known as Kensington, a very pleasant area

And, being at home has its problems. This song is a ballad of unending domestic upheaval. I'm sure you've all had something of the same experience. It's called "The Gas Man Cometh."

[BOTH]
'Twas on the Monday morning
The gas man came to call
The gas tap wouldn't turn
I wasn't getting gas at all
He tore out all the skirting boards
To try and find the main
And I had to call a carpenter
To put them back again!

Oh, it all makes work
For the working man to do

[SWANN]
'Twas on the Tuesday morning
The carpenter came round
He hammered and he chiseled
And he said

[FLANDERS]
"Look what I've found!
Your joists are full of dry rot
But I'll put them all to rights."

[SWANN]
Then he nailed right through a cable

[BOTH]
And out went all the lights!

Oh, it all makes work
For the working man to do

[FLANDERS]
'Twas on a Wednesday morning
The electrician came
He called me, "Mr. Sanderson"
Which isn't quite me name
He couldn't reach the fuse box
Without standing on the bin

[BOTH]
And his foot went through a window
So I called the glazier in!

Oh, it all makes work
For the working man to do

[SWANN]
'Twas on the Thursday morning
The glazier came round
With his blowtorch and his putty
And his merry glazier song
He put another pane in
He took no time at all

[BOTH]
But I had to get a painter in
To come and paint the wall!

Oh, it all makes work
For the working man to do

'Twas on a Friday morning
The painter made a start

[SWANN]
With undercoats

[FLANDERS]
And overcoats

[BOTH]
He painted every part
Every nook and every cranny
But I found when he was gone
He'd painted over the gas tap
And I couldn't turn it on!

Oh, it all makes work
For the working man to do

On Saturday and Sunday
They do no work at all
So it was on the Monday morning
That the gas man came to call!