Dreams.

I woke up this morning at 6:34am
My girlfriend was on the phone with me while I slept
But my phone had fallen, so the camera was pointing out

My pillow was next to me:
The pillow I have a place to be in

I’m anxious
Having woken from yet another dream
Of what we had once and what we have

I grabbed it
Realizing your shirt wasn’t on it and immediately panicking

I threw the sheets off the bed
Looking everywhere until I found it

Throwing it hastily into the fake sand pillowcase
Until I could push my face into it
And think of you
And cry

The dreams scare me

Everynight for the past few days
I’ll have so many
Each one creating a rift that doesn’t exist

We are with a group of people
Something happened
And you leave
I feel the grip of anxiety take me
And I can't do anything to let it go

I woke up this morning, right after, screaming into the phone;
“Why did you leave me?”

None of this is real
But the fact that I think about it scares me
The fact that is how my brain internalizes what we have

The way I think and the way I feel
Are in my unconscious mind
You make me feel beautiful like no one else
You make me feel love like no one else
And somehow
I still can’t escape the sinking pit of the feeling
That I’ve had about everyone else

You scream into the pillow
That represents what you mean to me
I feel myself shrink down
To the size of a fleck of dust
Ready to be swept away with the flick of your broom;
A broom, I know, you have no desire to hold
But a broom I imagine just the same

Thank you