Agoraphobia

[Verse 1]
2 AM the beats played about a thousand times, my minds stuck on just doubting lines
To my surprise, I've just been compromised, the artist now lies with his dried out art supplies
What they taught was lies, cause I just stay lost and cry
Inside day and night, watch time pass me by
Freedom became a prison when I went off script, ain't it ironic that the actor can't handle his shit
I ain't done a play in months cause I'm focused on the album
But that release is getting further, now I'm thinking about the outcome
Turn down invitations while the crew goes out and has fun
Then I never drop it and nobody asks "How come?"
Should I just stop and call it straight quits?
Is the world better off now without these hits?
But I've worked too damn hard and gotten too damn far
Stay inside another night to work and raise the bar

[Bridge]
I take a deep breathe and my throat begins to close up
Time is moving forward and I'm yelling at it hold up
Take a step outside and immediately throw up
Going fetal, come full circle as a grown up
Feel like I've inverted, converted to someone else
I've been hurtin', no one heard it, wasn't calling out for help
I've become an introverted and combo insomniac
Stress is alerted and my body succumbs to a panic attack

[Verse 2]
Every morning's just a night that I didn't kill myself
So fuck it lets celebrate, I'll pour this liquor in my mouth
There's no doubt these days'll go down this route
Only thing I got planned out's not leaving my house
Like I've locked myself away but how can home be a jail
Says the Puerto Rican who's never looked this pale
Wash the blood off my hands as they become so frail
But OCD's got me washing till they're feeling like scales
Tourette's at this point, got me feeling obscene
But this the natural me so who am I to intervene
My friends hit me up. I'm on the same old routine
Breaking my score in ignore calls 2k16
Stopped my medication, that's got something to do with it
Cause the night's I'm staying sober are the one's that I'm losing it
I take another shot to help me suffer through this, I'm in bliss
Till my mother finds me passed out covered in piss

[Bridge]
I take a deep breathe and my throat begins to close up
Time is moving forward and I'm yelling at it hold up
Take a step outside and immediately throw up
Going fetal, come full circle as a grown up
Feel like I've inverted, converted to someone else
I've been hurtin', no one heard it, wasn't calling out for help
I've become and introverted and combo insomniac
Stress is alerted and my body succumbs...

[Anxiety Interlude]
Hahaha
David am I glad to be back. Especially when things are going so well, perfect timing!
Graduated college... big accomplishment, Bravo!
And how's the career going post-graduation?
You know what, don't even answer that. Tell me how's your relationship?
You two were going to be together forever, right? Eh
You're keeping busy though!
Sleeping in, then laying in bed for hours just watching the ceiling fan go round and round
Getting so much better at taking shots, college taught you some groundbreaking stuff huh?
*Phone vibrates*
Hold on that's your phone, let me grab that for you
Ignore. Not in the mood. They're only trying to use you. Pity text obviously
You know what, let's just turn it off. There we go... peace and quiet. See David.. what would you do without me?

AAAH!!!

[Verse 3]
Not long ago I got some news that put me in a bad mood
Without warning, next thing I felt my hands move
Grabbed the sheets off my bed, put them straight to my neck
And I strangled myself till I turned my fucking throat red!
But I stopped, in that moment had realization of clarity
All my life, I've been giving out fucks like it was charity
Tears of a clown was my story until now but actually
I gotta make some sacrifices, live my life more happily
Cut the snakes out my garden, slither in shit that they started
Talk through your ass, you just farting
No excuses or pardons, that goes to those in the past
The complexes the exes
Fucking me up and over thinking there won't be consequences
Backstabbers throw their family under for a new Lexus
Try it again, I dare you to test out my reflexes
I got a fire instead of a nucleus so you better respect it
This my heart on a plate, eat up this meal of perfection
But first let's sit down and tune into the rambles
Of this Agoraphobic. Alcoholic. Asshole