We Don’t Talk About Pluto

Lyrics
We don’t talk about Pluto, no, no, no
We don’t talk about Pluto

It was 2006 (It was 2006)
We were learning planets
And there were nine of them in the sky
(Nine planets were in the sky!)
Pluto was in
Our system’s orbital spin
(Wonder!)
Our model was looking pretty fly
(and that’s when things go wrong!)

Pluto they said was a pain
(Why the hysteria?)
Went against the IAUs grain
(So they changed the criteria!)
A planet it could not remain!
(I am not okay, but anyway!)

We don’t talk about Pluto, no, no, no
We don’t talk about Pluto

Hey! Pluto’s degradation has left us in a crisis
Ruining all of our mnemonic devicеs
“My Very Educated Mother Just Sеrved Us Nine…What?! (what, what, what)
Now I’m spending Saturdays hanging out with my son
Writing angry letters to Neil Degrasse Tyson:
“Why do I need science when I’ve got my gut?
You stinky butt?”

Heaven’s renamed
With Pluto’s new class
Couldn’t clear its domain
Of comparable mass
Had a long regime
But it’s off the team

We don’t talk about Pluto, no, no, no
We don’t talk about Pluto

This textbook was up-to-date
The next day: wrong! (no, no!)
They said that it was a dwarf planet all along! (no, no!)
And now I’m questioning the moon landing with Neil Armstrong! (No, no!)
This hurts as bad as losing Alderaan

They told me that we all could agree that the planets would always be nine
Now you tell me, who’s gonna tell Hades, that his planet was forced to resign

Oy vey this isn’t Pluto’s day!

You tell me, when I hear “actually, there’s only eight bodies, considered to be planets!”
I’m just supposed to nod
(Hey this - makes me want to pound the crap out of you)
I’m just supposed to nod!
I’m supposed to nod!

Um, Pluto
Yeah about that Pluto
I need you as a planet, Pluto
Don’t want the truth, I just want you, Pluto!

Oh hey fellas that nutjob’s here
What a winner