Kyle

KYLE: Brows Held High, my respected web show
I opine for a couple bucks
Brows Held High, everybody loves it
All my colleagues say...
PUSHING UP ROSES: It sucks!
BENNETT THE SAGE: It sucks!
TODD IN THE SHADOWS: It sucks!
LAST ANGRY GEEK: It sucks!
NOSTALGIA CRITIC: It sucks!

KYLE: In 1946 the Reich had fallen
And France no longer said “Sieg Heil!”
And from this new status quo
Came a man named Jean Cocteau
And he made a fairy tale...
LINKARA: Good morning, Kyle!

(spoken)
KYLE: Good morning Monsieur!
LINKARA: Where are you off to?
KYLE: Reviewing a movie. I found the most wonderful story about the nature of love and the creative process and an allusion to Orpheus...
LINKARA: That’s nice. Viga! More cybermats! Hurry up!

NASH, FILM BRAIN and RAP CRITIC: Look there he goes
He thinks he’s smart or something
A most pretentious cinephile
OBSCURUS LUPA: With a condescending gaze
PHELOUS: And an allergy to praise
ALL FIVE: What a brows-held-highfalutin prick, that Kyle!

CHRIS THE NERD: It sucks!
IANONNE: It blows!
MISS NIGHTMARE: It raped my childhood!
MIKEY INSANITY: It’s bad!
MEDIA HUNTER: It’s worse!
LINKARA: It's Uwe Boll!
ROSENHACKER: It's dumb!
SHEA: It’s weird!
R.L. KING: It’s got Ben Affleck!
KYLE: It delves into a tortured artist's soul!

(Spoken)
ALL THREE: What?
ROSENHACKER: How is this art?
R.L. KING: Artists have souls?
SHEA: I can torture Sam Kieth?!

DIAMANDA HAGAN: He only touches films we’ve never heard of
Can you believe he has such guile?
OMEGA GEEK: Why should we click on a link
If we don’t know what to think?
BOTH: No, I just don’t understand the ways of Kyle

KYLE: Oh, it needs no announcing
Just how many hearts this tale has moved
Ev’n if they fail pronouncing
The name “Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve”

PAW: Hello, I’m Paw and now it’s time for Best/Worst!
The best is obviously me!
And the worst is yonder snob
Who disliked Les Misérables
Do I really have to spell it out?
CHORUS: I think you have to spell it out
PAW AND CHORUS: Alright, let’s spell it out! K-Y-L-E!

JERK: In 1991 the Mouse was thriving
With Eisner, Katzenberg and Wells
When the studio unveiled
A new-fangled fairy tale
With a story line that rang a couple Belles....

FANGIRL CHORUS: Hey look! Some Jerk!
He’s got a camera!
Who’s he? Dunno
I thought you knew
I think he does
Reviews of Disney
I’ve never seen his show so I’ve no clue

LAST ANGRY GEEK: It sucks!
PUSHING UP ROSES: It blows!
TODD IN THE SHADOWS: It's crap!
BENNETT THE SAGE: It's shit!
NOSTALGIA CRITIC: It's worse than cancer!
LAST ANGRY GEEK: It's overrated!
PUSHING UP ROSES: It's meh!
BENNETT THE SAGE: It's drek!
TODD IN THE SHADOWS: It's bleh!
LAST ANGRY GEEK: It's wack!
PUSHING UP ROSES: I feel unclean!
KYLE: So let's review!
Sampled Vocal: It stinks!
LAST ANGRY GEEK: It hurts!
TODD IN THE SHADOWS: It's hell!
BENNETT THE SAGE: I HATE!
NOSTALGIA CRITIC: It has no answers!
PUSHING UP ROSES: It's not that good!
KYLE: A timeless masterpiece of silver screen!
JERK: I’ll make that guy review a film we’ve SEEN!

CHORUS: Look over there at the annoying douchebag
Who puts the artsy crap on trial!
What a wretched human bein’!
INSANE IAN: I like him!
JERK: Shut up, Ian!
KYLE: For my show’s next cinematic feast
I’m doing Beauty and the Beast!
JERK: Well ya better do it RIGHT at least!

CHORUS: HE’S KYYYYYYYYYLE!
It sucks! It sucks! It sucks it sucks it sucks it sucks!