Ego

If I could hunt in my heart, be the marksmen and kill any of my parts I would just wait in the dark and lock the target on my ego. I’m hunting for my ego I’m taking on my ego cause I blame it on my ego.

I went hunting last night.
Fatigued and humble robed, long range rifle pressed against my shoulder and a fucking Hubble scope.
I’m killing anything that’s in here and need a deadens see,
cause last night I swear my ego tried to put an end to me.
I brought fame as bait, I placed it in the field where I plant my dreams,
to grow and await ghosts that play games with my life to pull up in their limousines.
They are stars in my persona, celebrities in my seams
the darkest parts of my process much like the itch to fiends.

I have a shopping list of heads I wanna bleed, eat and bury where the coffin be.
I wanna body my ego and my misogyny, my image and my hypocrisy ,
tonight there ain’t no stopping me,
see they already did too much to just come fix it with apologies
and I must admit I’m scared shitless to hunt the parts inside of me I fear inside my heart
and I’m just noticing how dark it gets in here
but never mind I am focused piece is loaded keep the plan,
If I don’t blow this I might have some hope of being a decent man…
from my hiding spot I just repeat my chant,
"Here I am, If I could hunt in my heart, be the marksmen and kill any of my parts
I would just wait in the dark and lock the target on my ego.
I’m hunting for my ego I’m taking on my ego cause I blame it on my ego."

So from my darkest parts comes misogyny first,
he walks like a pimp, chin up, dick in hand, one leg short gives him his limp,
he spots fame in the field, to him this means hoes,
I see the thoughts of getting pussy creeping right up in his nose,
puts his temple in the crosshairs  but before then, before I got him centered,
I hear someone else coming so I wait in the dark, to see who enters.

It’s my image, young son so confused a Frankenstein,
low brim, notebook walking, while spit a rhyme spit a poem, spit some game, spit whatever they wanna hear,
and until I know myself I guess he’ll always look unclear.
Him and misogyny they lock eyes, look down at fame with hungry bellies,
their mouths are salivating even though this meal ain’t healthy,
but before I can decide who I would rather pick off first,
from the darkness dressed in hooded robe, I seen my ego emerge.

Tall, dark, and ugly like a lurch glowing eyes, and loud footsteps,
guess my ego has to make itself known when it arrives,
making eyes curve so in my scope I observe,
feeling angry cause my ego’s position so undeserved,
I push the brace against my shoulder, around the trigger my finger curves,
“I got you muthafucka” I think as I prepare my nerves,
the bullets eager and the chambers just waiting for the word,
but as I’m about to pull the trigger I see that my ego’s a her.

I wasn’t ready for it, killing women ain’t my thing,
but I think of all the times she made me question self-esteem.
Then it made sense to me that she’d be female,
cause a man’s ego often equates consequences from that detail,
can’t seem week in front of a woman their sex is our initiation into men so it only makes sense that my ego stems from a woman’s expectation.

The three of them started fighting,
my image pushing misogyny yelling something about stay out of his writing,
ego steps in front of him saying but misogyny is how you’re surviving,
misogyny starts telling ego bitch learn your place I’m what your both derived from.
And I’m wondering to myself why my heart gives them asylum,
My crosshairs have crossed each other, I can’t focus who I’m slaying,
And they are looking so familiar like they all have some relation,
but I been hesitating too long I knew I should have been more careful,
and suddenly I feel something come up behind me against my head I feel a barrel.
fuck.

I didn’t even need to turn around to know who got the drop on me,
it’s the only thing that would ever shoot itself, my very own hypocrisy,
He whispers in my ear, “you shoot any of them and you won’t survive, that humble shit won’t keep you safe when other people’s ego’s are hunting you outside. And when some girl rejects you how you gon’ keep that pride if misogyny don’t write her off as just some bitch for you and image don’t help you up back to your stride”.
And my heart is getting smaller and darker by the minute,
so the walls are pushing me closer to image and image closer to ego and ego creeps close to misogyny and if they get me there will be no chance of maintaining my honesty,

hypocrisy suddenly pushes me out of the grapevine
and the light for some hang time to my darkest parts and they stop fighting and they spot me at the same time.
I’m surrounded but they don’t even flinch,
and it makes sense cause they can’t see me,
when they come out of me this me doesn’t even exist,

and I can’t move, punching anyone would be a bit egotistic,
and if I could, to hit my ego first would then be misogynistic,
thus making me quite the hypocrite,
at least in regards to my image.

So I stand there like a scarecrow wondering how this will finish,
hypocrisy keeps the gun on me as they retreat,
one by one they vanish but this won’t be the last we meet.
They hold me down when I am down, their company is sweet,
but pops said “Who you are in life reflects the company you keep”.

So I creep, load my rifle with the hope that I’m worth redeeming, and point it at anything I see in me that should be leaking cause if you leave them there too long eventually you will just be them, better look inside yourself and ask if it is hunting season, while you’re still true, cause eventually you will lose, so search inside your heart and shoot down the darkest parts before they kill you.