Bitcoin Rap Battle Debate: Hamilton vs. Satoshi

HAMILTON
Before we begin, everyone do me a favor
And read a little thing I wrote called the Federalist Papers
I explain how a nation’s unlikely to survive
Without a strong central government to keep it alive
When I launched the central bank, Jefferson called me ill
Now you have my face to thank on every ten dollar-bill
When America was cash-strapped, I pushed past that
Now some sicko makes crypto and our nation backtracks?

SATOSHI
Decentralized currency. Yes, I invented it
I’m sure many governments wish they had prevented it
Their national cash is how they keep control
But freedom to the people was my ultimate goal
Am I a pseudonym? A group of men? It doesn’t even matter
I invented Bitcoin cause fiat is a disaster
A man from Japan or a damn hologram?
I’m the reason open season on crypto began

HAMILTON
Does anybody know what this crypto-thing means?
To me, sounds like the new Get Broke Quick scheme
A bunch of fools from across the land
Investing in something they don’t even understand
Buying Litecoin, Dash, Bitcoin Cash
It’s all gonna crash, and be gone in a flash
All this unsupported money’s an irrational prank
And I’ll be laughing all the way to my National Bank

SATOSHI
Hahahahahah, yeah dude, super funny
As if banks these days still helped people make money
The rich get richer and we follow like we’re all sheep
The banks serve Wall Street, crypto serves all streets
The interest in crypto’s on rapid ascent
What’s your current interest? Half a percent?
I’m sorry, the bank’s gone past its peak
But I want info encrypted, not hacked and leaked

HAMILTON
If this crypto system will be our salvation
It needs to be centralized, needs regulation
If our central database gets… how you say, “hacked?”
Insurance will just make a case to get your money back
‘Cause in fact, it’s tracked, and the money leaves a trail
Central currency is strong, cryptocurrency is frail
Untraceable money — wow, so clever
One typo in your address? Now it’s gone forever

SATOSHI
Crypto is frail? That’s the essence of your lesson?
Your money leaves a trail? Yeah, a trail to a recession
A buncha rich white guys made this system
Why would they ever change this, when it’s made them rich men
Movie moguls fought hard against the VCR
Horse and buggy manufacturers all hated the car
So why would I take my advice from the banks?
I don’t need a bailout to survive. Thanks

SATOSHI BACKUP SINGER:
The system is so broken
We need that crypto token

HAMILTON BACKUP SINGER:
The system isn’t broken
Can we trust crypto tokens?

HAMILTON:
(It’s gotta be)
Centralized!

SATOSHI:
Decentralized!

HAMILTON:
Centralized!

SATOSHI:
Decentralized!

HAMILTON:
We need control!

SATOSHI:
Free enterprise!

HOST / DEBATE MODERATOR:
Bring me the facts
Please testify...

SATOSHI
Fiat's the way a government controls the populace

HAMILTON
Government protects its people. All of this is obvious
They keep the peace, and so they KEEP control
You want us ruled by crypto-miners no one even knows

SATOSHI
Oh, it’s that "Strong Central Government" bit again
They protect people, but only their citizens
Crypto has no borders, it's a true global currency
And censorship resistance for those who need it urgently

HAMILTON
Banks earn trust by assuming liability
You know a key, we know the customer explicitly
Will the real Satoshi please stand up?
Nope, you’ll still be hiding when crypto busts

SATOSHI
You don’t need to trust the people, you just need to trust the code
Every record’s in the network, you’re just one node
And when you find a flaw, there’s a software update
Now try updating cash… go ahead, I’ll wait

HAMILTON
Wait? Cash works! You immediately pay
Crypto's a far worse medium of exchange
Can’t bitcoin the dentist, can’t bitcoin my breakfast
Can’t even use bitcoin at bitcoin conventions

SATOSHI
No currency starts with universal adoption
It takes time for places to make it an option
Plus billions of people don’t have bank accounts
No savings, no interest, no checks to bounce

HAMILTON
You’re saving the world? But what’s the price you’re paying?
The only change you’re creating is climate change
Power grids spiking all across the land
Overheated, no one needs it, hope it all is banned

SATOSHI
From the king of paper currency, the hypocrisy!
For bills and forms in triplicate, you’re killing all the trees
Don’t like my power usage? Stop targeting my rights
I own my purchased power and the market sets the price

HAMILTON
It’s gonna get real dark if this is crypto’s night
They use your currency for crimes, that’s your kryptonite

SATOSHI
Most crime is done with Benjamins, not the blockchain
There’s a reason most dollars carry traces of cocaine

HAMILTON
Where’s your proof of work? That’s pure speculation
Those darknet black markets need more regulation

SATOSHI
The world’s fulla currencies. And this one makes it worse?
1 hundred eighty now, Bitcoin’s a hundred-eighty-first

HAMILTON
It’s not the currency itself, it’s the method, man
You can’t build things that last without a central plan

SATOSHI
Crypto is a balance to the centralized model
Cause things fall apart. The center cannot HODL

HAMILTON
If you end up having problems, I’ll feel bad for you, son

SATOSHI
I’ve got 99 problems but a Bit ain’t one