He Eats Asparagus, Why Can’t You Be That Way?

Whenever I am naughty, whenever I am bad
Whenever I do something that makes my parents mad
Like the time I bit the mailman or left stuff on the floor
My parent's say, "Why can't you be like the boy who lives next door?"

He always makes his bed and he always eats his food
He likes his itty, bitty sister and he's never ever rude
And when I don't eat what's on my plate, my parents both will say
"He Eats Asparagus, why can't you be that way?"

He is never dirty, he always takes a bath
He loves to do his homework too, especially math
At school he is an angel, he always sits up straight
He's always very helpul and he never comes in late

He always says, "I'm sorry," "Excuse me," "Thank you," "Please,"
He always dresses nicely, not like me
He's never spilt his milk, lost a glove or slammed a door
Stuck out his tongue or giggled in school or left things on the floor

He goes to bed at nine each night and brushes all his teeth
And Mommy wishes I was him and that he was me
I've never even seen him burp, he does what he is told
But the boy next door is thirty four years old